I was thrilled to tell my husband that I was going to be the new pagan-goddess writer for Spokane Faith and Values. I expected him to react with enthusiasm like, “Honey, that’s great! How fantastic! This is right up your alley. I can’t think of anyone better for the job.” What he actually said came with a deep sigh.
“Get ready for the haters.”
I was stunned and silently incredulous.
“What? Haters? People hating me just because I’m pagan!? Does that still happen? Seriously. How can anyone hate me? I’m fabulous!”
On that thought, I began to smile, which helped ease the weird pissy feelings I was having toward my husband. He didn’t mean to be unsupportive. He was warning me. He knows that fear of the unknown finds otherwise decent folks doing and saying hateful hurtful things. He knows I may be invoking this quality by revealing my pagan self publicly.
But I don’t share his concern, probably because I’ve been what many would consider a pagan practitioner all of my life. The irony is that I’m still not sure what a pagan practitioner is. So let me be very clear about whom I’m representing. Just me. I can’t speak for the pagan community.
First of all, the thought completely intimidates me. The pagan world is vast. In fact, I googled pagan the other day. There were 15+million sites listed in less than three seconds. Suddenly, I was completely overwhelmed. There is so much information on the topic and I measure in the community as someone who knows more than some but a lot less than others. To complicate matters, I suspect opinions and perspectives of paganism are as varied as that of Christianity.
Did I just commit the ultimate sin — putting paganism and Christianity in the same sentence? Yes. I did. I know it might be risky and shocking but that’s precisely what makes this topic fun! There’s so much misinformation and negativity enveloping the spiritual practices of paganism that sometimes it requires a little jolt to open one’s mind to curiosity.
Generally speaking, when people hear the word pagan they instantly imagine witch, demon or devil. Even for those who know a little something about pagan culture, there are negative ripples of thought that always seem to surface. The conditioned thinking we’ve inherited about the wickedness of paganism runs deeper than most dare to realize, let alone admit.
It’s hard to believe that many of the old folklore-ish tales about pagans still govern our imaginations. To many, a pagan or a witch is almost always female. She’s either old, ragged, and ugly or she’s a temptress-whore with enchanting devilish beauty. Whatever the description, the pagan or witch is a godless cast-off who, in the worst-case scenario, should be eliminated or she is to be ignored and silently reviled.
A pagan is not a person of interest but one to fear.
I have a growing perspective about the origin of this fear and why it haunts to this day. But I’m going to save that for another time.
For now, I think it imperative to tell you that I am neither a ragged hag nor the be-all and end-all of lusty desire, so I think it wise to dispel those imaginary depictions as quickly as possible.
I call myself a pagan because I refuse to identify with just one religion. There are many qualities within each religious and spiritual practice that I honor. I can’t imagine putting on a single label that fully defines me. So, I’m what you might call a spiritual mutt and I’m most comfortable under the broad shade of the pagan umbrella.
What exactly makes me pagan? That’s an excellent question and I’m curious to know what you think being pagan means. I would like to invite you to share your thoughts so I can use your comments and questions as guides to offer greater explanation for what I do and believe.
For now I can tell you that we are fast approaching one of my favorite celebrations. Solstice. I celebrate it on Dec. 21 — the shortest day of the year and the first day of winter. I host a large gathering of people on my farm and do traditional Solstice activities like; light candles, decorate with winter greenery, drink hearty wines, eat wintery foods, sing, dance and come together in a circle for a ritual.
I know. Ritual is the flashing word shrieking ‘pagan!’ I thought about saying, ‘we come together in a circle and do a thing’ but that didn’t seem to capture it at all. So, ritual is what we do and this year’s ritual is something I call, The Mask.
If you’re interested, I’ll tell you all about it. Until then, I’ll look forward to hearing from you.
Julia, I so appreciated this article! First of all, because you acknowledge that you do not speak for all pagans, which is important because pretty much everyone will assume you do and hold you up as the One To Whom All Rocks Should Be Thrown, (why do we do that anyway? Set one person up as the spokesperson for everyone we place under the same label??) and second, because you approach the topic with humor and humility, two attributes which engender discussion and interaction.
And I will stick my neck out and be the first (of many, I hope) who will take your question and answer it honestly. (I had to comment on this quickly, to avoid the temptation of googling “pagan” so I’d sound knowledgeable)
My understanding of the word pagan is that it is synonymous with godless, and means without deity or anti-deity.
OK, there ya go! Now I am hoping to get your take on what being pagan means, and I will keep in mind that it is only you, Julia, speaking, and not all pagans everywhere.
Jan~ Your kindness and generous compliments are enormously appreciated. Thank you!
Your imagery of me standing alone as the one pagan to whom others can throw stones is horrifying. Thank you for writing it out and acknowledging it. This is the image that my husband warned–It is the picture of hate.
It is a shameful picture and yet a real opportunity to explore a great many things;
Compassion for the victim.
The anger fueling another human being to intentionally inflict pain and suffering.
The reason justifying such an act.
The complexity of fear and the many ways it can be projected. Are just a few that one can take into contemplation.
What eases my mind tremendously is thinking about the beautiful scene in the biblical story of the men preparing to stone a woman to death for alleged adultery. Jesus is cool as a cucumber not getting involved in the frenzy of these men. My hunch is they sense his energy..perhaps his disapproval…They’re confused and justify their actions but Jesus is firm. “Let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone.” I have always felt incredibly empowered to speak my truth because of that story.
I’m thrilled you found my piece funny. I’m totally working on that. I’m not a very funny person…you know, that sharp quick wit..Nope. not me and I would love to be. I’m a true-blue scorpio, which means I’m generally pretty intense. Lightening up is a focus for me!
I so appreciate your willingness to share your point of view. Your definition of pagan as being Godless–without deity or anti-deity is, I think, very common.
My understanding is that historically that rings with a degree of truth…not to the pagan, mind you, but the accusers. Going back roughly 400 years I think defining a pagan as being godless was a very popular accusation and it was an effective justification for cruelty toward that individual. If one was without God, one wasn’t worth having around. If you go back farther into history..more like 3000 years, a pagan was someone with multiple gods or other gods.
When the shift from many or other gods to no god happened is not something I can put my finger on other than to say it was some time during the Middle Ages and has continued to haunt our imaginations still.
I have no idea if some pagans resonate with a definition of being Godless or without deity or anti-deity. That strikes me as more athiest than pagan but my athiest friends ought to chime in on that.
For me:
I see absolutely everything as Divine…all life and it’s death is divine. I suppose one could call me Godless and be right provided that God is defined in a specific way. For instance, God as a male figure outside of life holding judgment court in heaven. Yes. That idea I reject, so to call me godless would be perfectly appropriate. Most of the pagans I know are deeply connected to a sense of divinity…to something greater than oneself…I love the word ‘awe’ to describe the sense I have of God/Goddess.
That’s the other piece for me that clearly distinguishes me as pagan…My use of the word, Goddess. There will be more pieces on that topic so stay tuned!
Jan, I will look to you to help keep me in check about speaking only for myself!! You can gently nudge me with things like, “Yo! Julia…you speaking for a crowd of pagans or what?” I definitely do not want to do that. Pagans, like people in general, are as varied as a mountain meadow. I am but one tiny little weed!
I admit, I thought “pagan” meant witchcraft and smooth potions in an underground, red lit, foggy basement. I have decided this year to embrace and better understand the Solstice, so I guess I better become more understanding of paganism along the way! Thanks for your shared voice.
Wendy~ I don’t think you’re alone. THANK YOU for chiming in here.
I loved your description of witchcraft, smooth potions in an underground red lit foggy basement.
When I was little I LOVED making potions in my sand box. Mud and grass mixed with these weird sticky gooey red berries made the most wonderful potions! I can’t tell you how many super powers I gave myself and my friends. But more than anything I wanted to fly! Alas, I have never been able to concoct a flighty brew.
The history and evolution of potion-making is fascinating with some really beautiful elements. The most important one to acknowledge is the billion dollar industry we now call ‘natural medicine.’
Your association of pagans and witches is common. I’ll go into that in another piece. Witchcraft is also a highly misunderstood topic and just writing the word gives me shivers because of the awful imagery invoked. I have never found it particularly intimidating, but then again I can’t think of any spiritual practice that I avoid looking into. I’m just curious that way. I’m glad you are too!
Tell me what you think of when you hear the word Solstice…I find that very intriguing.
Thanks again for writing!
Pantheist means that there are many gods in many worldly things. Panethiest means that G-d is in everything, and is a more contemporary term, first used in the last century. Actually, since we have no empirical sensations of G-d, we can say anything we want, and I, like you, like to think all things participate in the divine. I guess I’m just a heretical panethiest, probably of the neo-post modern school.
Julia,
So glad to find this. Thanks to Miss Mindi for posting on FB. Thought I would weigh in on what comes to mind when I hear the word Pagan ~ I think of nature and a reverence for the natural world.
In my spiritual world, I think all roads lead to the same unnameable, inexpressible mystery. The roads we take are limited only by our curiosity. Traditions/rituals can take us a bit further down the road with their initial metaphors and understandings but all fall short when they attempt to express the inexpressible. Spirit lives without language. Poetry comes closest.
All religions, including paganism, can lead to profound experiences and understandings. Mystics from many traditions have attempted to make these experiences known to others. But ultimately, it is a very personal journey that we all must take to see beyond the veil.
Thank you for expressing the view point from a pagan journey. Your close relationship with the natural world can provide a valuable insight to aid in others’ individual journeys.