A frozen debit card melts my heart and teaches me kindness
Commentary by Julia Ditto | FāVS News
Several weeks ago, I was on the phone with someone from my bank, trying to remove a freeze that had been inexplicably placed on my son’s debit card. This son, George, has been serving as a missionary in Santiago, Chile, since September 2023, using his debit card the whole time with hardly a problem.
There were adequate funds on the card, so the fact that it had suddenly been frozen was frustrating, especially as a mom knowing that basic purchases my son was trying to make half a world away were being denied.
The woman on the other end of the line was kind and sympathetic, but not able to help me resolve the issue without requiring some near-impossible jumping-through-hoops on George’s part. We went back and forth, me explaining my problem, and her insisting that there was nothing she could do.
I felt like I was being given the runaround, and while I wasn’t overtly unkind, I clearly made my displeasure and annoyance known with every sigh and question I posed.
I was entitled to act that way, after all. The problem was clearly hers, and she wasn’t doing enough to fix it. Righteous indignation was mine for the taking. Right?
That’s what my mind was telling me. But even as I was talking to the bank employee, an edge of annoyance clipping every word I spoke, my heart was telling me something different.
“This woman is doing her best to help you,” it said. “She’s not trying to thwart your ability to fix this problem; she is just working within the parameters she’s been given by her company. What if she was your mother? Your daughter? Would you want her to feel badly, the way this woman is likely going to feel badly once she gets off the phone with you?”
By the time we hung up just a minute later, I felt a little sick. I had chosen to be demanding and unyielding, in the moment feeling completely justified in doing so. But was I? As someone who claims to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ — the Prince of Peace, the master peacemaker — I don’t think I was.
A while after this encounter, I picked the brain of a family friend, Rodger Pickett, who has been incredibly successful in his business and personal life, and who I have always known to be extremely kind and generous.
“How do you do it?” I asked him. “How do you treat people so kindly while not letting yourself become a doormat?”
He responded by telling me about two encounters he had had recently at two different ski mountains, both involving employees who were technically just doing their jobs, but being a bit unreasonable about it.
In the first instance, he lost his cool — no rude outburst or anything, but his irritation was painfully evident.
In the second, he said that “somehow, compassion sprang up in me,” and he was able to speak kindly to an employee who many other people had been angry with that day for making their lives a little bit harder in the name of doing his job.
“Now, what was the difference?” Rodger said. “My conclusion so far is it is a matter of perspective. I saw the two individuals differently. I chose to see them differently. In one case, I saw an impediment, a thing. In the other, a child of God, a sibling.”
How much different would this world be if we saw in each other a bit of the divine, a fellow child of the same God, and treated each other as such?
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved,” said Thomas S. Monson, former president of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Does that include the unhelpful bank employee? The condescending waiter? The ski lift attendant who kicks you out of the line to reactivate a pass that has been working fine all season? Yes. Especially her.
It’s not our natural instinct. At least, it’s not mine. But like Rodger said, “Consistently being kind can only happen by practicing, not necessarily kindness, but by practicing how one sees people and…remembering Jesus always.”
I’m slowly trying to learn this for myself—to treat others with compassion when my instinct is to be irritated. To see a fellow child of God instead of a foe. To disagree without being disagreeable.
It’s hard, but I believe it’s possible. And in these contentious times, every act of kindness counts.
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
Such a tough one! I have a friend who says “hurt people hurt people.” There are people who we will run across that follow rigid guidelines and care more about “policy” than people, and while we should stand up for ourselves, we must always do it with compassion. I’m also reminded of the phrase, “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Thanks for the reminder!
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Hi Julia, thanks for sharing. It helps to remember this when we’re in the moment of feeling frustrated and rude. I was rude to an office scheduler and after hanging up, wondered what might have caused her rudeness. It was Feb 14th. Perhaps she had a loved one who was fired from a government job that day? Stressful times call for more kindness and patience. You are one of the kindest people I know!