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Cupid might be stupid!


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Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.
Scan of a Valentine greeting card dated 1909.

Typically, I refuse to get sucked into the holiday blogosphere mode. Can anyone really write anything that hasn’t already been written about love on Valentine’s Day? But maybe the typical cupid approach to love is stupid. Maybe it’s time for a love reality check.

Four realities about love:

1.    Love ain’t easy.

Duh. Love isn’t always fun. Romance is but a recurring season (it comes and goes). And sometimes we’re not even sure we like each other let alone love each other.

You’d think after 40 years we wouldn’t say stupid things or do hurtful things to each other. We do.

You’d think by now we’d be communication experts. We’re not.

You’d think we would have figured out how to always live selflessly. We haven’t.

Love ain’t easy. Never has been. Probably never will be.

2.    True love will always cost you.

Anything and everything of value costs us. It costs us time, energy and money. Nothing that matters comes cheap. We know this to be true when it comes to material possessions, but it’s absolutely true of our relationships as well.

To love your spouse means sometimes you will sacrifice your agenda and schedule to satisfy his or hers.

To love your spouse means sometimes you will serve him or her even when you’re dead-dog tired, and it’s the last thing you feel like doing.

To love your spouse means sometimes you will invest your hard earned cash to bless him or her rather than spend it (or waste it) only on what you want.

Sacrifice. Service. Investment. All for the sake of another. Yup . . . love will cost you.

3.    Love has to be sticky to last.

This is basic marriage math: Hard + Costly + Commitment = Marriage Survival and Success.

If you only have hard and costly without commitment, you’ll never survive the storms that will come. When it’s more convenient to bail out rather than work it out you’ll always take the path of least resistance unless you’re committed to sticking it out over the long haul.

I’ve watched many go through living hell, but they survived because both parties said, “You’re stuck with me, so I guess we better figure out how to play nice and get help.”

Stick-to-it-tiveness is missing in too many marriages today. However, love that is sticky is love that will last.

4.    Love is always worth it.

I can’t promise you a pony or a prize for hanging in there. There’s probably no pot of gold at the end of the marriage rainbow.

What I can promise you is joy.

Joy is the result of spending your life with someone who is broken (like you) and weathering the storms with faith in a God who is bigger and better than your spouse.

Joy comes when you can honestly say to your spouse, “No marriage is perfect. No spouse is without faults. And yet there’s no other person on the planet I’d rather grow old and die with than you.”

Joy comes when you look back and think, “Wow. We’ve been through a lot, but God has always been so good to us.”

And joy comes when you can look forward and know in your heart, “Whatever comes and whatever we face, we will face it together by His grace.”

So on this Valentine’s Day, don’t be cupid! Don’t expect love to always be fun and romantic. Don’t make it all about flowers or chocolate (or sex!). Remember that true love takes hard work and a humble heart. And true love is what matters most.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Kurt Bubna
Kurt Bubnahttp://www.kurtbubna.com
Kurt W. Bubna published his first book, "Epic Grace: Chronicles of a Recovering Idiot," with Tyndale in 2013. He has recently published "Mr. & Mrs.: How to Thrive in Perfectly Imperfect Marriage" and two other books. Bubna is an active blogger, itinerate speaker, regular radio and television personality, and the Senior Pastor of Eastpoint Church, a large non-denominational congregation in Spokane Valley, Wash. He and his wife, Laura, have been married for nearly 40 years and have four grown children and six grandchildren.

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James McPherson
10 years ago

Well said. One of my favorite quotations about marriage comes in the form of a riddle: “What are the two toughest years of marriage?”

Answer: “The first year, and whatever year you’re in now.”

Of course, those should also be the two best years.

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