By Mark Azzara
Emma Teitel, writing in Maclean’s, makes a point we should ponder.
She discusses the asinine behavior of chronic complainers, focusing on the uproar over man-spreading – the practice some men have of taking up two seats on a bus or subway. But the outrage, she says, has a simple solution: Ask the guy to move over.
“But … it’s the asking, in real time, in real life—not the posting or tweeting—that seems to be a problem for this increasingly offended, yet complacent world,” she writes about those who “would rather fume in silence and take discreet Instagram photos of the offending seat hoggers than ask the hoggers to move over.”
The problem is “borne of timidity—and a passive-aggressive attitude aided and abetted by social media. After all, why talk to a stranger—a potentially awkward affair—when you can yell into the digital ether at a million strangers, virtually risk-free?”
Bravo, Ms. Teitel.
A friend of mine, who has a heart for serving those younger than he is (translation: teens through 30-somethings) objected recently when I said social media is killing our capacity to communicate. He replied that young people are communicating more today than ever before.
Ah, but it’s not communication as I know it — the face-to-face variety that forces you to take responsibility for what you say. Evidence now suggests that users of social media frequently present a faux digital personality that is totally unlike the real-life person. Are you really communicating if you project a person who is only a figment of your imagination?
I knew a woman once who fumed constantly about discrimination against women. And yet when it came time to defend herself rather than merely talk about discrimination in the abstract she turned out to be an abysmal coward. She didn’t have the courage to protest because that would have required face-to-face confrontation and also forced her, at times, to address her misinterpretation of the situation. That’s the responsibility that goes along with communication.
Jesus has been trying for 2,000 years to get us to confront the ways we misinterpret him, ourselves and others. He has been preaching honest, courageous, humble communication to a deaf audience by actually doing it and thus demonstrating how it’s done.
What’s most embarrassing about Teitel’s article is how truly it describes my occasional failures. For example, I am part of a church organization that’s trying to tackle some pretty big issues, but I find myself complaining about my colleagues more than praying that they – and I – will be more fully surrendered to God so that he can do the work through us.
Teitel’s article reminds us that we must resist the abundant opportunities we have to complain. She reminds me of Jesus’ words: “Don’t offer to help the other guy take the speck out of his eye until you have removed the plank from your own.”
Ouch!
