I’m getting older, and one day I won’t be the leader anymore. Who will be ready to take over when I’m gone? Someone younger, that’s for sure. Preparing the next generation of leaders is a critical task, and over the years I have found some methods or steps that seem to work. For my example, I will use one specific event, but I have utilized the same methods over several years and in many groups.
The youth group at our church sponsored a Harvest Carnival event for our town. This event would bring in about 300-500 people of all ages, mostly young families with children. The youth group was responsible for creating and manning booths (including deciding on the rules for prizes), decorating the whole church, choosing prizes for the games, creating a photo booth, and staffing all of the pertinent areas. The following are some examples of how I chose and mentored the youth into leadership.
The first is to look for leaders by area of interest. Sometimes leaders are chosen from the pack simply because they are louder than everyone else, or more bossy, but I think that good leaders are sometimes the quieter ones. The ones that are the most interested in the outcome of the task, even if they are the quiet ones, quite often will become good leaders with some help from you.
Jessie was a very quiet girl, and by quiet I mean silent. She rarely spoke up in youth group at all. I knew that Jessie was interested in fashion design and had a good eye for color and line, but so far had never seen her in a leadership role. For the harvest carnival, the entire church needed to be decorated to appeal to the hundreds of small children who would be coming to our “carnival.” As the decorating committee was discussing their ideas for themes and colors, I could see that Jessie was less than happy. (Note: if you are choosing leaders, look for people in the meeting who exhibit a strong interest in the outcome, even if the interest is negative. Don’t discount the frowns as just unpleasantness.) I had to encourage her a few times before she would even speak up, but after reassuring her that we really wanted to hear her thoughts, she laid out a very simple plan and was very passionate about it. That was all I had to hear — Jessie was now in charge of decorations. She looked terrified! She also wasn’t too happy with me for choosing her, but I took her aside and basically told her that not only was she qualified, but that God didn’t want us to always be sitting on the sidelines; sometimes we have to jump into the game…even if we are scared.
Next tip, lay out your expectations (reasonable expectations!) clearly, in writing if necessary, and then stick to them and make your leaders stick to them too. The most common reason for a new leader to quit is that they set too high an expectation and cannot attain it, or get frustrated in the attempt. Your role as their mentor is to set achievable goals and make your new leaders stick to them. I had two young men in the group who were just dying to make a tunnel maze for the carnival. They wanted to make it out of cardboard boxes and have it outside on the volleyball court, taking up the entire area of the court if possible. I could see that this project was both beyond their ability and would not work for our event because it was going to be near freezing the evening of the carnival. It took three conversations to convince the boys that they could not manage such a huge maze, so they finally got to work in the Sunday school room assigned to them. Four hours of cutting, taping, and shaping, and they were both exhausted. I found an adult volunteer to help them complete the project, and in the end it was a zany, collapsing success that the little kids loved, but at the end of the evening (after they had to take it all down and throw it away) both the boys admitted that anything larger would pretty much have taken too long to assemble and wouldn’t have stayed up anyway. The guys were pleased with how their maze turned out and the next year had a more reasonable idea of what kind of project to tackle. You see, part of mentoring is looking towards the future: I wasn’t just getting these guys to make a carnival game, I was teaching them how to plan and execute a carnival when they become adults. You can’t always teach all the answers, sometimes you have to let them learn the answers. Had I allowed the boys to attempt the larger maze outside, I would have ended up with tired, discouraged young men, and no maze. Especially on someone’s first foray into a new area, a good mentor has to put limits on the project if success all around is the goal.
Back to the decorating committee, who were now done planning and ready to shop. I had given them a budget, and off they went to the store. After a half an hour or so I got a call from them; the items they wanted were more than the budget allowed. I reiterated that we did have to stick to the budget and no amount of pleading would sway me, so unhappily they hung up. After a while they returned, but to my surprise, they were all clearly excited about their trip to the store. It seems that among themselves they had discussed what was truly necessary and what was just “cool to have” and in doing so had modified one of their ideas so that it was less expensive than the first idea and yet still pretty cool. Their joy hadn’t come from the items they had bought, it came from having made the decision on their own! My tip on this pertains mainly to working with youth, as they often haven’t had much experience making tough decisions. Had I backed down and allowed them to exceed the budget, not only would they not have been able to experience the joy of deciding for themselves, they also would not have learned the important lesson that budgets matter!
The last item deals with the least fun aspect of being in charge — firing someone. Yes, I said firing, as in “It’s not working out. You’re fired.” There’s no way around it; this completely sucks, but it is a necessary part of good leadership. There must be a bottom line somewhere and you must determine where that is. I had to fire two of the young men who were “helping” with setting up the carnival. I use quotes, because their idea of “helping” entailed hiding from their group, playing video games on the church TV, bothering groups that were actually working, and wasting my time chasing them around. After their second warning for hiding and playing video games one of the youth leaders let me know the guys were missing again. When I found them, I had them come to my office, where (in private) let them know they needed to go home. Now they both knew that they would be in big trouble with their parents for getting fired, so they pleaded with me to give them a second chance. I pointed out that actually it would be their third chance and that I had wasted enough of my day as it was, so no, I wasn’t going to give them another chance. Suffice it to say they were not pleased. Neither was I. It was a very unpleasant experience for all three of us. The night of the carnival they both asked if they could help, and I said that they could certainly help but that there would be no warnings this time. This was the night of the big event and not the time for more training. They agreed and guess what? They worked their butts off the whole night! I made sure that I thanked them (with smiles, words, and pizza brought to them special delivery from the kitchen) and they had a ton of fun that night too. Did they learn a lesson? Sure. Jan’s a harda**. Did they permanently change their ways? Of course not. But one lesson at a time. Now, I don’t advocate firing every young person who gets distracted; you do have to take into consideration their maturity level, any past disciplinary experiences you’ve had with them, and their temperament (being fired like this could emotionally wound some kids) so I’m not saying this is the way to handle every situation.
What I’m saying is being a mentor is hard and it comes with hard decisions to make including sometimes being the one who says, “That’s enough. You’re done.” You have to set your sights on the long-term win, which is bringing up the next generation of leaders…who may also have to be the harda** someday.
Did you notice how often I had to say “No”? And how un-fun this leadership, mentoring gig sounds? It’s not for the faint of heart. Being the boss isn’t about clapping your hands, giving people orders and resting on your laurels,. It’s often about wringing your hands, falling on your knees, and weeping. But the next generation is worth it; so very, very worth it.
Join us for our next Coffee Talk at 10 a.m. on June 7 at Indaba Coffee for a discussion on “What makes a good leader?” Shannon is a panelist.
