My sister displayed her ‘hidden righteousness’ by always showing up
Commentary by Hyphen Parent | FāVS News
Typically, when you learn there are no specific photos of a deceased loved one, that’s a disappointment. It’s a missed opportunity.
I have never seen my maternal grandfather. He died long before I was born, and there are no existing photographs of him. I have no idea what my mother or aunts looked like as children because all those photos are lost.
When my uncle died, we were so saddened to find there were no photos of him one-on-one with some of his grandchildren. Last month, my family discovered a lack of photos, which I actually found incredibly comforting.
At a cousin’s recent wedding, she included a table featuring photos of deceased loved ones. She asked me if I had a picture of my oldest sister Marie who died in 2020. My cousin explained her family had photos of my sister, but none of her alone.
I am the keeper of family photos, so I looked through my collection and found the same thing. Marie didn’t shy away from the camera, so there are many photos of her. In every one, she’s happily smiling surrounded by others. Even the photo used for her funeral is a shot of her face cropped from a picture of her with her husband and daughter.
I expected to be disappointed. We will never have a chance to get photos of Marie alone. Instead, I took great comfort in the realization that my sister was never alone. She was incredibly kind and loving. She adored people, and people loved her right back. The fact that there’s so much photographic evidence of this thrills me to no end.
According to Jewish folklore, at all times, there are 36 (lamed vav in Hebrew) anonymous righteous people in every generation whose good deeds keep the world in balance.
They’re known as the Tzadikim Nistarim, “Hidden Righteous,” because their identity is hidden from them and the rest of the world. They don’t know they’re special. They don’t do good because they believe they have to. They just are. I’ve long insisted Marie was one of those lamed-vavniks.
At Marie’s funeral, my cousins all marveled at how involved Marie had been in their lives. Though she lived a distance away from them, their kids all knew her because she came to every party and event.
When my family and I were displaced from our home for months and enduring a horrible time, she and her family came over 1,000 miles to visit and help. Marie, an elementary school teacher, always sent my kids books for their birthdays and Chanukah.
Every new year, she took her calendar and wrote in all the birthdays for family and friends to ensure she sent cards and gifts for everyone. It was so important for Marie to be connected to others. She showed up for her people whenever she could.
In Judaism, upon hearing of a death, one response is, “May their memory be a blessing.” The memory of my sister has absolutely been a blessing and a comfort. Various things, big and small, remind me of her often and make me smile.
I walk past photos hanging on my walls of her surrounded by family. I see pictures online of her in groups with friends. I flip through photos on my phone of her smiling among the faces of cousins. What a blessing it is to have so much photographic evidence of the fact that she was never alone!
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
