How long I have searched for you
in ancient temples and pious prayers,
in hours of solitude and silence,
in acts of service and sacrifice;
I have pursued you far and wide.
In anguish and in longing,
I have sought you in the deep,
only to find you naught.
And when, in exhaustion and despair,
I slumped down in disbelief,
out you came from nowhere,
and yet, all at once, I was conscious
of you present everywhere.
You showed yourself veiled
in the Guise of the Eternal Now.
Each moment you reveal yourself in a new way,
like a firefly that illuminates the dark sky for but a moment.
And I in my temporality want to grasp you
and hang on to you to hold you forever,
to carry you with me in security wherever I go,
but alas, you are the Ineffable One,
and I cannot grasp you in my palm,
for in so doing in my lust for possession,
I kill the fragile spark of Eternal Life
pregnant in each passing moment.
When I stop my grasping
and breathe
a long, slow, deep, breath,
I taste you.
I feel you soak in my bones.
I know you are and always will be.
I exhale in peace
and feel your presence surround me
and penetrate me through
like the intense warmth of a summer sunrise,
as I let go and watch you unfold before me.
Now in this knowing, I realize this Presence
has always been with me.
But I, in my pursuing,
chased you away from my sight,
not perceiving your showings inherent in every moment.
So now, from time to time,
I stop my hustle and just sit
and wait
and soak.
I let your aroma envelop me
like a thousand lilacs in bloom.
I surrender.
You alone are God.
