Multiple cultures clash over the future of the American dream

Multiple cultures clash over the future of the American dream

Commentary by Pete Haug | FāVS News

As we enter an era of uncertain governance, several cultures struggle to control the American Dream. Life was simpler when I was a boy. We had to win World War II or be ruled by unthinkable cruelty. As a child, I was little aware of the world outside my home. Nor did I understand tensions within that home, tensions heightened by global conflict.

My father’s parents were German. Mother came from generations of Americans. Some of my father’s five older half-siblings were German-born. Three of my cousins served in the U.S. military, two in the German army.

Cultural tensions

During the Great Depression, my parents had moved in with “Grossmutter,” Dad’s mother, and Aunt Lil, his eldest sister. The war exacerbated tensions among three strong, culturally different, women. Mother, from rural upstate New York, had helped raise four younger brothers before becoming a registered nurse. Aunt Lil was an accountant. Grossmutter, my grandfather’s second wife, had been his housekeeper before his wife died. Grossmutter finished raising his five children as well as my American-born father.

I, the only child in my household, was doted upon and spoiled, yet all that loving attention didn’t protect me from cultural tensions. In traditional German fashion, Dad didn’t involve himself in household affairs. Mother fended for herself. Household tensions undoubtedly contributed to her alcoholism.

Culture’s unavoidable imperatives

Culture shapes us, unawares. It ingrains our behavior from birth. Family teaches us how to socialize, to form behavioral patterns and attitudes toward others. School exposes us to children from other family cultures. We’re challenged by new concepts, attitudes and behavior. Enculturated with beliefs and attitudes from home, we imbibe new influences, further shaping our first decade of life.

For example, before my teens I was occasionally permitted wine with dinner. Both parents drank regularly, eventually becoming alcoholics. Mother was genetically predisposed, as am I; her aunt and uncle were alcoholics. It’s likely I was on that road before becoming a Baha’i. Baha’u’llah forbids use of alcohol.

What shapes our behavior?

My family told me how to behave, but they didn’t model the desired behavior. It was, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Before Dad’s alcoholism was severe, he and I tried to help Mother. She died after I’d started my own family, and Dad joined us until his own death three years later. Though I no longer drank, I didn’t realize how much the alcoholic culture of my childhood and teens had affected my own growing family.

In my teens and early adulthood, I experienced mood changes and anger. I was often irrationally temperamental, judgmental and irritable. My wife Jolie and three children — the family I loved — were victims. My outbursts persisted, despite my trying meditation and prayer, until one day in my late forties.

A friend whose husband was an alcoholic mentioned she was in Al Anon, an Alcoholics Anonymous program for family members of alcoholics. She mentioned ACOA, Adult Children of Alcoholics, which I’d never heard of. It’s designed for persons who grew up in families with alcoholism. A quick investigation helped me understand my irrational behavior. Once I’d identified underlying causes, I was able to overcome much of my temperamental outbursts.

Generational effects

Sadly, my ACOA behavior transferred to my own children, though to a lesser extent than I was affected. I recognize occasional outbursts in my 50-something children and even in some of their children. All are good people, yet in those outbursts I see my earlier self. Fortunately, theirs are much less prevalent than mine were.

Much culture today, itself addictive, is transmitted electronically. Interactive technologies encourage destructive behavior in ever-younger audiences. We once absorbed values from families and friends. Today’s online “influencers” — strangers — shape our cultural values, amplifying perspectives and biases incompatible with what we learn at home. Often truth is not in those perspectives —partial truths, perhaps, and blatant lies shape young minds and attitudes.

A new era?

The first casualty of war is truth. Politics is war; winning is the only thing. Such conditions hasten the demise of democracy itself, with implications for honest governance. Without elected leaders modeling honesty and thoughtful, courteous, civil discourse, any political system disintegrates. Disinformation, rudely hawked as gospel, hastens political decline. Downfall follows. In America, cultural norms, shaped and nurtured through both conflict and civil discourse, are disintegrating. These norms have sustained the world’s greatest democratic experiment for 250 years. Now what?

We’ve been warned. Baha’u’llah’s 19th century writings contain warnings of global chaos, for example: ”Know, verily, that an unforeseen calamity followeth you, and grievous retribution awaiteth you…”

Social chaos is not new. What’s new is its global visibility. From southern to northern hemisphere, Congo to Gaza, satellites broadcast unspeakable atrocities into living rooms worldwide. But such chaos also provides opportunities.

How might we transcend and transform this confrontational culture?

The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.