Living with uncertainty: Embracing grace in the midst of life’s challenges

Living with uncertainty: Embracing grace in the midst of life’s challenges

Commentary by Susie Leonard Weller | FāVS News

We are living in uncertain times. Our challenges range from global ecological nightmares, regional wars and increasing political polarization to personal worries. So, how do we cope with uncertainty?

Frankly, I don’t like living with ambiguity and indecision. On the Meyer-Briggs Temperament Scale, I’m a strong “J,” which stands for judging. I prefer to know, make clear decisions and get on with it by moving quickly forward. Living in the unknown is scary for me. However, recent health diagnoses are inviting (also requiring) me to expand my capacity to live more gracefully with uncertainty.

A recent diagnosis of a brain fistula (abnormal, enlarged blood vessels) is a catalyst for practicing these new skills. My health providers are doing the best they can. Still, I live with conflicting messages as I wait for physician availability and health insurance approvals to authorize various assessments and treatments.

Doctors told me to stop driving because I might have a brain hemorrhage. However, I’ve been waiting for months for treatments to repair my fistula. Patiently waiting has never been my strong suit.

‘Wisdom in motion’

Last weekend, a group of long-term friends and I discussed the book “Uncertainty: The Wisdom and Wonder of Being Unsure” by Maggie Jackson. I found her insights helpful in re-framing my discomfort. What if I embraced uncertainty as “wisdom in motion”?

She encourages me to “harness not-knowing in the service of wisdom, invention, mutual understanding, and resilience.” I’m reminded to take more time to reflect, practice self-compassion when I’m feeling anxious, be grateful I have good health care insurance with caring doctors and expand my capacity to live with the unknown.

Paradox of acceptance

Perhaps this is Spirit’s way of encouraging me to pause and be curious about what I can learn from this experience. Once again, I’m being asked to accept what I don’t have control over and can’t change.

Acceptance is a paradox. It’s challenging to feel at peace with a distressing situation while also deepening my trust this experience can open the door to new possibilities — even when I don’t know what they are yet. Yep, here’s another invitation for me to live the “Serenity Prayer.”

I’m learning that being resilient is more than just bouncing back. It includes being willing to be positively changed at my core through this experience.

Psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor and my inspiring hero, wrote: “Say ‘YES’ to everything … Human behavior is not dictated by conditions, but by the decisions one makes.” He reminds me I always have a choice: I can react in fear while waiting or respond in trust. Instead of dwelling on all of the possible negative what-ifs, I’m invited to focus on living as best I can amid uncertainty.

‘All is well’

Before my last MRA Brain Imaging Exam examining my blood vessels, I read the Rev. Richard Rohr’s daily reflection from his Center for Contemplation and Action in Albuquerque, New Mexico. He quoted the writings of Julian of Norwich, who lived in England in the 1300s during the Black Plague.

Despite one-third of the world’s population dying from this disease, she wrote: “All is well.”

She explained: “God did not say ‘You will not be assailed, you will not be belabored, you will not be disquieted,’ but God said: ‘You will not be overcome.’ None of us will be moved in any way to say: ‘Lord, if only things had been different, all would have been well. Instead, we shall proclaim in one voice, Beloved One, may you be blessed, because it is so: all is well.'”

I’ve bolded her phrase “all is well.” It prompts me to ask for and receive grace to live in the moment with deeper trust — not just in the future. When I ask friends to pray for me, I’m really asking for the gift of faith to know I am not alone in these stressful circumstances. I trust God’s presence is always with me — even if the outcome is not what I would prefer.

‘I will not be overcome’

Our daughter is getting married in about two weeks. I’ve done all the advocating I can do to complete these medical procedures before her wedding. The reality is I am uncertain about how I will be feeling. As my headaches continue to increase, so do my fears I will have a brain hemorrhage.

However, Julian of Norwich reminds me to trust that “all is well; I will not be overcome.” The gift of people praying for me is living in the present moment with more ease and the grace to live with uncertainty with greater peace.

The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.