A searing hot stove top, a sharp thorn, a knife, a malicious joke, or an unkind word can all cause pain. Our brains experience pain in similar ways regardless of whether it is physical, emotional, or social pain but when we see someone in pain, our brain’s do not respond in the same way to everyone. How our brain lights up shifts depending on what other emotions we feel and whether we feel love or hate from the person in pain.
A 2013 article in “Frontiers in Psychology” asks this question: “How does witnessing a hateful person in pain compare to witnessing a likable person in pain?” The authors continue, “While social bonds are built through sharing the plight and pain of others in the name of empathy, viewing a hateful person in pain also has many potential ramifications. The results showed that, compared with viewing liked people, viewing hateful people in pain elicited increased responses in regions associated with observation of physical pain (the insular cortex, the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), and the somatosensory cortex), reward processing (the striatum), and frontal regions associated with emotion regulation. ” They concluded: “These data indicate that regions of the brain active while viewing someone in pain may be more active in response to the danger or threat posed by witnessing the pain of a hateful individual more so than the desire to empathize with a likable person’s pain.”
This research seems to be saying that it is more difficult to be compassionate towards the school shooter’s emotional or physical pain than it is towards a small child who has been injured in a car accident.
And perhaps a bias in compassion towards the one we like is justifiable but how can we change the world when there is so much hate and so many people in physical, social or emotional pain? How can we overcome biology and reach out to people who hate, perhaps soothing the pain and preventing future hate crimes or terrorism?
Similarly to racism and other biases, one way to change our response is to be conscious of our response.
When you watch or hear a news story about a school shooting, an attack on a mosque, a rape, or other horrifying or frightening event, how do you feel? Do you turn off parts of yourself? Are you afraid? Does it motivate you to change the community you live in and find solutions? The first step is to understand your reaction and response.
Nelson Mandela said, “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
What is more important to you than the fear of people that hate? What inner resources do you have to help you conquer fear?
Chinese philosopher, Lao Tzu suggests another way to create the kind of world we want. “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
Love deeply. Give someone else strength. Be open to being loved and find your courage and the ability to be compassionate towards more people.
