By Susie Leonard Weller | FāVS News Columnist
Our nation and the world have become more deeply polarized. We often argue to defend our views instead of listening with curiosity and compassion to others and deepen our understanding of each other. I’ve also been guilty of fueling the fires of conflict when I persist in trying to prove “I’m right,” rather than being open to dialogue and respecting different perspectives. But what if I viewed conflicts as “growth wanting to happen”?
The 2025 theme for the UN Day of Peace on Sept. 21, 2025, is: “Act Now for a Peaceful World.” The United Nations established this day in 1981 to highlight everyone’s role in building a peaceful future, promoting a worldwide culture of non-violence and supporting ceasefires in conflicts, both interpersonally and globally.
The stakes couldn’t be higher
Over 100 million people in the last century have been killed due to ongoing wars. Unless we change our attitude and transform our hearts, our current behavior will destroy our planet. The 2025 Doomsday Clock by Atomic Scientists states that we are now “89 seconds to midnight” — the closest we’ve ever been to creating a global disaster. The spread of misinformation and conspiracy theories blurs the line between falsehood and truth. It undermines public discussion and fact-based, honest debates — the foundation of democracy.
The United Nations website states: “Peace is not only a noble vision for humanity, it is a call to action. Each of us can heal divisions and embrace peace and understanding. We can call on our families and communities to do the same. Speak up, learn, practice respect, embrace diversity, and protest injustice. Be the change you want to see.”
So, where do we begin?
An initial step is committing to practicing the skills of “Safe Conversations,” as described by Harville Hendrix and Helen Hunt. Although differences and polarities will continue to exist, we can learn to manage them more respectfully. This means shifting from judgment to curiosity without criticism and listening to understand rather than debating who is right or wrong. Their new book, “How to Talk with Anyone About Anything,” recommends the following process to create a safe space for constructive conversations.
- Take turns to mirror what each person says to let each other know they have been accurately heard.
- Validate each speaker’s point of view as their perspective, even when you disagree with it.
- Empathize with each speaker’s emotions and experience.
- Maintain a positive energy for the “space between” each speaker to avoid escalating defensiveness. Take a break when needed to cool down, and re-commit to maintaining respect for all those involved in the conversation.
- Seek ways to connect by shifting from judgment to exploring a shared value(s).
Beyond seeing enemies
Practicing “Safe Conversations” involves choosing to connect beyond our differences. It is about being willing to transform our view of others with whom we disagree, and avoiding seeing them as our “enemy.” Fr. Richard Rohr, founder of the Center for Contemplation and Action, reminds us to follow Jesus’ commandment to “love our enemies.” (Matthew 5:44 and Luke 6:27) Even if we strongly disagree with others’ actions, we can do our best to cultivate a “hospitality of the heart.” This means praying for our “enemies,” showing kindness, compassion and forgiveness to those who have hurt us and respecting those we disagree with.
I’ve often struggled to put these words of Jesus into my daily practice. Instead, I’ve persisted in playing the “blame game” and digging in to defend my point of view to make others “wrong.” However, the Holy Spirit has been persistently using any available means to urge me to change my heart and attitude. Specifically, instead of reacting to what others say, I am making an intentional effort to ask: “Tell me more.” As a person of faith, I believe it is up to me to initiate the first step of respectful listening.
Whenever I write letters to politicians, especially those with different views from mine, I always start with a positive comment about them. Honestly, this can be tough practice, but I keep trying until I find something positive! Even when I express my concerns about their actions, I do my best to maintain a respectful tone in all my interactions and correspondence. My goal is to promote dialogue rather than make them defensive.
Additionally, I’ve committed to praying daily for my “enemies.” This practice softens my heart, helping me to respect them as human beings instead of viewing them as a separate “them.” Although I can’t control the outcome, I do whatever is within my power to take steps daily to “Act Now for a Peaceful World.” I urge you to do whatever you can to support the United Nations Day of Peace within your sphere of influence.
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
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