Ask a Buddhist: What does Buddhism say about anger?

Ask a Buddhist: What does Buddhism say about anger?

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Commentary by Tenzin Tsepal | FāVS News

Anger is a common emotion that we all fall prey to. Of course, there are many degrees of anger — from subtle irritation to violent rage. When we want something and our desires are not fulfilled, we often get angry and let others know through our comments, actions or body language that we’re not pleased. We may think that as long as we’re not completely out of control, expressing anger is OK. But is it?

From the Buddhist perspective, anger is an affliction, a destructive emotion that disturbs our mental peace. Is anyone happy when they’re angry? Do you sleep well after a good fight with your partner? Can you enjoy a nice meal when fuming? 

We might experience a temporary adrenalin rush from anger, but I don’t think any of us feels good when angry, or when we are known as an angry person.

Anger’s narrow perspective

When we look closely, anger is an unrealistic, distorted state of mind. As anger arises, our thoughts focus on and exaggerate the negative qualities of a person, thing or situation or even impute negative qualities that aren’t there. 

Because of that exaggerated appearance to our mind, we react to that mental image rather than to the actual person or situation in front of us. We think we see things as they are, but how we interpret a situation or a person’s behavior also colors the way we experience it, narrowing our perspective. 

What we often want most is to feel connected with others, but anger prevents any positive connection. 

Instead, anger makes it difficult to tolerate the focus of our hostility, and instead wishes to harm. None of us likes to admit that we harm others, but anger causes us to say mean or spiteful things, engage in harmful actions we later regret and hold grudges that make us bitter for years. Intentionally ignoring someone with a spiteful attitude or refusing to speak to them when angry are also forms of behavior motivated by anger. 

The more often we indulge in anger, the more easily our anger will arise, even over small things that don’t please us. Our mind is disturbed, and it often comes out as cynical or biting comments we make to others. 

Are you beginning to see how anger is actually not beneficial? 

‘Anger is our real enemy’

Anger has many disadvantages. By becoming familiar with them, we can convince ourselves we don’t want to follow anger’s lead when it starts to erupt. 

For example, what happens physically when we get angry? Adrenalin surges, our face gets red, our heart rate and blood pressure increase, our stomach tightens, and so forth. Keep going. What else happens for you? Is your body comfortable when anger arises?

What happens mentally, emotionally, when angry? Underneath anger, we may feel hurt, agitated, confused, restless, disappointed, distrustful or afraid; we might obsess or ruminate about the situation, or become irrational. How else does anger impact you emotionally?

What about our relationships, and our spiritual life? If you actually write down all the disadvantages you’ve experienced and all the messes you’ve gotten yourself into when angry and read it every morning so that you’re convinced of its negative impact in your life, you will notice your anger decreasing. 

Anger is our real enemy, not the other person or situation. Anger is the thief who steals our happiness. When we look at what happens to us when we get angry, it’s not too difficult to conclude that anger always causes suffering. When we recognize that, it’s much easier to generate a strong determination to reduce anger and to eventually eliminate it from our mind.

‘Working with Anger’

It’s important not to hate ourselves when we get angry! Since anger is a distorted mind, it can be counteracted with more realistic minds, like not expecting people to be perfect or to do everything that meets with our expectations. We can change the anger habit, replacing it with positive thoughts like developing patience or fortitude, kindness and compassion. Of course, this will require some effort, but it will be well worth it.

We’ve had anger for a long time, and angry thoughts will continue to arise in our minds. But what we do next is what’s important. We can begin to control our actions motivated by anger, then learn to contain our harmful speech, and eventually we can reduce and even eliminate anger from arising altogether.

Reducing anger doesn’t mean that we become doormats and let people walk all over us. It means that we do our best to remain calm, kind and in touch with reality. From that state of mind, we’ll be more effective in communicating and dealing with whatever difficulty we’ve encountered.

There’s much more to be said about working with anger, so I highly recommend the book “Working With Anger” by the Abbess of Sravasti Abbey, Ven. Thubten Chodron. In very accessible language, this book provides many skillful ways to help us work with anger and contribute more and more to creating peace in ourselves and the chaotic world around us.

The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.