Death may mute Christmas, but not love

Death may mute Christmas, but not love

Commentary by Becky Tallent | FāVS News

In high school, I had always felt sorry for a friend whose mother died in a car wreck at Christmas. How unimaginable, I thought. 

This year, I faced that unimaginable when my older brother suddenly died on Dec. 6 of a heart attack. 

A lot of memories came rushing back when I got the news. Mostly of us growing up, fighting as siblings do but having each other’s back when it counted. After high school, we took very different paths that eventually merged: Jim into a career with the Air Force followed by a life as a salesman and (very late in life) an academic; me to college and becoming a journalist before becoming an academic.  

Jim’s military career took him around the world, including two tours of duty in Vietnam. Injuries from that conflict earned him a total disability status with the military, and he used the GI Bill to attend college while working as a salesman.  He earned both a bachelor’s and master’s degrees in American history in his late 50s/early 60s, an age when most people were retiring. We often joked he took the 30-year path for his higher education. 

Importance of staying in touch

Recently reflecting on life and family in general (biological family or not), I again realize the importance of staying in touch, communicating with those we love. Even though arguments will crop up – we are, after all, human – to stay connected with each other despite those differences. Talking makes those connections. 

Yes, there were times we were ready to completely disown each other, to give up on having a relationship. What set of siblings hasn’t felt that urge? But in the end, it was the fact we had been through so much together and the concept of being family that kept us talking. 

This time of year, it is easy to become sentimental and proclaim our love for all people. Perhaps we truly feel it in the moment. But it is the way we treat each other in April, July and September that shows us how we really feel about our fellow humans.  

This is the primary tenant of so many faiths, loving other people, caring for them. Most faiths, including Christianity, call on us to care for those who have less than us. The great German Lutheran theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer said Christ walks among us as our neighbor, coming in the form of a beggar or a child in ragged clothes, asking for help. In this way, Bonhoeffer argued, Christ is in everyone we meet. 

Who are the ‘Christmas people’?

A Methodist minister I once knew talked about “Christmas people,” folks with an ability to keep that feeling of love for others year around. This is not to say they don’t have disagreements with others, but they maintain that sense of love toward humanity despite the variance in opinion.  

My brother was not one of those “Christmas people.” And there were times it was difficult to love him because he could be irascible. He was, however, a loving man who wanted to protect his family – wife, children and siblings. Not a bad legacy. 

Nor is it a bad legacy to have the Veterans Administration bury his ashes at the Fort Gibson historic site in Oklahoma (something that would please the historian to no end) and place his name on the roll of honor for Vietnam vets. A fitting tribute along with the love of his family. 

So, while this holiday season is muted for those of us who lost loved ones in December, it is important to remember the concept of “Christmas People” and Bonhoeffer’s concept of the holy being among us each day. If we love people despite our differences, we are truly living the commandment of so many faiths – to care for one another.  

That vibrancy of love makes this season more bearable for those who are suffering a loss any time of year.

The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.