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Where our demons hide: For the evangelicals who left church but not Jesus
The author reflects on church hurt and evangelicalism, urging those who have lost trust to cautiously rebuild Christian community through relationships, prayer and shared faith.
By Kay Bonikowsky | FāVS News Columnist
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News.
In the first chapter of the Gospel of Mark, Jesus walks into a synagogue in Capernaum, a place of Scripture, prayer, teaching and presumably people trying to follow God. Yet there, Jesus encounters what we’d least expect: an evil spirit.
The first evil spirit Jesus encounters isn’t lurking in a brothel, palace or Roman temple. It’s in a place of worship.
What should be a surprising discovery rings painfully true in my own experience of evangelical churches. To borrow a line from Imagine Dragons, the church is “where my demons hide.”
Fear. Control. Abuse. Harshness. Judgment. Hypocrisy. Protection of powerful people at the expense of the vulnerable. Political allegiances that seem incompatible with Jesus.
I’ve experienced these things in evangelical churches. And, painfully, I have to acknowledge the ways I’ve participated in them, too. I carry church hurt I received and church hurt I caused.
Jesus’ encounter with the evil spirit in the synagogue gives us permission not to be shocked that destructive things can exist within evangelical spaces.
The irony of evangelicalism
The evangelical church encompasses a wide range of Pentecostals, Baptists, non-denominational Christians, Reformed and more. Evangelicals are committed to the Bible, the cross of Jesus, evangelism and personal conversion. If you have spent any number of Sundays in an evangelical church, you have heard the gospel presented as an invitation to a personal relationship with Jesus.
The irony is that we listened.
We learned to know Jesus personally. We read about him. We prayed to him. We experience our faith as a relationship, not a religion.
So now, when many of us encounter something destructive inside an evangelical institution, it makes sense to take our personal Jesus home and leave the broken church behind. And yet, many of us still long for the community and goodness we have also known inside evangelicalism.
Umm … it’s complicated.
About 20 years ago, evangelical pundits began talking about the “Nones,” Americans who claimed no religious affiliation. Then, the discussion moved to the “Dones,” those who had given up on religion. Now, Mike Moore, a pastor and Christianity Today contributor, describes the new phenomenon of the “Umms.”
Moore’s Umms are people who take Jesus seriously and want to belong to a church but find themselves hesitant about reengaging. He describes a gap between the desire to engage in a worship community and actually doing so.
Faith hasn’t disappeared. The longing for Christian community hasn’t disappeared. Trust has.
Ready to risk a return?
If you’re not ready to walk into a church building yet, perhaps the first step isn’t going back to church. Maybe it is finding your way back to Christian community.
Find two people you trust. Eat together. Pray. Read the Bible. Encourage each other. Love your neighbor together. Practice hospitality. Find Christians who make you more like Jesus rather than merely making you more religious. (Acts 2:42, Hebrews 10:24-25)
It can feel risky to join another community, but a return does not need to be naïve. Mark 1 reminds us that Jesus was not surprised to find an evil spirit in a place of worship. We shouldn’t be either. Religious respectability can hide harmful people, behaviors and systems from a congregation, but they are not hidden from Jesus. He sees them, confronts them and exposes them.
We know Jesus can be trusted. That’s why we are still here. The harder question is can we trust his people again? Maybe we don’t have to answer that question all at once. Maybe we begin with a coffee, a conversation and a shared prayer.
Church. It’s where my demons hide. Jesus knows that truth all too well. So, I ask my fellow Umms, can we build communities where they have fewer places to hide?
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