This Rosh Hashanah, more than ever, the Zaydes were out in full force and it was lovely. What a way to start the new year – with children in services lovingly cared for by their grandpas!
So often, families don’t bring their children to services for fear of how others will respond. My first attempt at attending services just days after our twins came home from the NICU failed spectacularly. Our girls didn’t make it long enough for services to even begin. I wanted to be there so badly to join with the community and thank G-d for our babies’ survival, but the congregation was not family-friendly and I had no help. If we just had an extra set of arms to hold a fussy baby, it could have made all the difference. Unfortunately, I was very worried about bothering anyone, no one in services was interested in helping and, the Air Force had left us far away from the doting grandparents who could have cuddled babies and helped us out.
I was so excited by the number of Zaydes (yiddish for grandfather) I saw cuddling their grandchildren in services. I watched one little girl put her head down on her grandfather’s lap. A mutual friend later told me, “I knew he must be her grandfather by how sweet he was with her.” Another walked the back of the synagogue bouncing a baby. The baby’s mother was able to focus and pray as Zayde walked with the baby and others stopped to talk to and fawn over her. Another Zayde pointed out text in the prayer book to his teenage granddaughter and they both prayed together.
When they were very small, our teenagers had a friend whose Zayde blew the shofar on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The girl excitedly came to services to watch him every year. She was so proud. She told everyone about him. And so other children also excited came to watch her Zayde blow the shofar. He passed away recently and his loss was felt beyond their immediate family. He created memories and a connection to Judaism for his grandchildren and for so many others.
Those who cuddle and encourage children can create a strong connection to Judaism. Those who chastise and criticize, however, can chase those children away.
There are the ones who quizzed grandchildren during services and chided them for not knowing prayers word-for-word. There are those who loudly reprimanded other people’s children for doing things they insist their grandchildren would never do (conveniently forgetting all the trouble their children got into at that age). I cringe when I hear Zaydes who loudly correct grandchildren as they lead services. We actually stopped attending services for a long time because one Zayde shot nasty looks every time my 5 and 2-year-olds sang along with the prayers.
I often focus on young families and how I believe they are best served in services — not in childcare, not only in brief watered-down children services, not merely in the synagogue building. If we want Judaism to continue, we need to make children an active part of it. However, as parents with our own ritual and spiritual needs and a concern for those needs in the people around us, sometimes that’s incredibly difficult to do. When the generations work together, we can make it happen. Whether it’s your own grandchild or someone else’s, you can serve as the Bubbe or Zayde who provides support, encouragement, and example.
Zaydes and Bubbes are incredibly powerful. They have far more experience and knowledge than younger family members. Those families with children are important and so too are the Bubbes and Zaydes.. Grandparents set the example. They have the experience. They can use that to encourage or reprimand. Are you going to snuggle a child and answer questions or are you going to yell at that child for stumbling over the Hebrew? Will you bounce a baby in your arms or glare at her parents when she makes any noise?
L’dor v’dor (לדור ודור) we recite in prayer, “From generation to generation.” If we want active competent children who embrace their Judaism, they need to be encouraged and welcomed. The year 5777 was ushered in with wonderful examples of that at shul. To those Zaydes and Bubbes who work so hard to encourage their grandchildren and others, we see you. We thank you. We need you.
