By Mark Azzara
My Dear Friend,
Last week I attempted to list the wrong reasons for making a critical life choice. Now I must address the right reasons.
Any critical decision must be made out of love for God, myself and those I am called to serve; joy that God Himself has called me to do this by giving me that love; and peace that surpasses human understanding.
Only God can put such laws within me and write them on my heart. Ironically, when he does that, some of the reasons on my list may come to pass. For example, I will, in some way, emulate Jesus and also may wind up having a transcendent experience, assuaging my doubts, being fulfilled, suffering, and/or feeling at home wherever I am led.
For me, the real value of last week’s list is that it helps me distinguish between my will and God’s. You may have been startled when you read that list because some of the reasons seem logical, maybe even godly. But when those motivations exclude God they become wrongheaded and dangerous.
God doesn’t ask us to discard reason but he knows that our reasons for acting usually aren’t very logical. He sees reality clearly, and our responsibility is to surrender to the truth – the reality – he reveals to us about ourselves. And as we hear that truth and admit it’s really true we begin to acknowledge the reality of God because we would never have learned those truths on our own.
How have the observations made in these last two letters affected the big decision I face? Will I or won’t I? I wish I knew. Whether it’s God voice or just my own voice calling me to take this step is something I still don’t know. But I already know a few things.
I now realize this choice contains no peace that surpasses understanding. I have ignored the risks by childishly presuming that things would work out. But that doesn’t mean God’s answer is no. It simply means I must wait. I have spoken to five people, including three pastors, and all have said the same thing: This answer won’t come quickly. Through their words I see that God is addressing the single biggest weakness he has identified in me – impatience. I must wait patiently for his answer, which may only come after he reveals truth in greater depth.
I admit I have fallen prey to several of the wrong reasons on my list. The specifics are between me and God, but I definitely don’t want to make another big decision for the wrong reasons and thus recreate the pain that I caused myself and others in my earlier pursuits of heaven on Earth via my career, my marriage, our house, the college town.
I am as willing to hear “no” as “yes” because I’ve learned that if you cannot hear and obey God when he says “no” the chances are good you’ll never hear him say “yes” when it really matters to you.
Many people cannot hear God’s “no” because they cannot bear to give up the pursuit of their own illusions of heaven on Earth. I once was among them but, having been changed by God’s grace, I know he can change their lives, too, because we are all equally valuable to him.
Jesus’ overarching message is simple: There is no heaven on Earth. Repeat that phrase with me. There is no heaven on Earth. There is no heaven on Earth. There is NO heaven on Earth. Only heaven is heaven. No other person, place, activity or thing comes close. No, not even church.
Years ago, when I believe Jesus called me to return to a church I’d walked away from decades earlier, he answered my protest by saying, “What you’re looking for is the perfect church. The only problem is that every church is populated by imperfect people.”
Moreover, we all live with the unavoidable reality that we will always encounter disappointments, injuries, insults, failures and an uncountable host of uncontrollable variables in all our relationships. That doesn’t sound much like heaven to me. I simply must learn that my entry into the one and only heaven will have to wait a while.
This experience isn’t over but it already has helped me to more fully appreciate Jesus as my Savior and Lord because he’s the only one who can save me from my human weaknesses and stupidity – i.e., my own part in making life for others something less than heaven on Earth. We aren’t inclined to confess weakness and stupidity but that’s a crucial step on the road to maturity. Immature people think they’ve got it all together. Mature people know they don’t.
All God’s blessings – Mark
