My friend Ahmed
Poem by Luke Grayson | FāVS News
My friend Ahmed didn’t check in today
His last message to our group chat was 23 hours ago,
but his last Facebook post was a meme 19 hours ago
And even though it’s 9:30 p.m. here, it’s only 7:30 a.m. there,
So my anxiety is reeling
Ahmed is only 23,
We met virtually through a group chat of people from all over, that was created by a mutual friend probably three years ago,
He checks in in our group chat nearly every day
The days that he doesn’t, I know we all worry,
but we wait both patiently and impatiently, knowing the time difference and the odds of more internet and phone outages
In-between posting funny LGBT, anxiety and cat memes,
and comments about his programming projects, goals and dreams,
His Facebook reads:
“It’s always terrifying waking up …”
“I wish I could bring you back now, mold you from clay”
“all senses clear, all existence void” …
“When will it all end? Goddammit”
My friend Ahmed lives in Gaza
We used to talk about religion and how the extremists ruin it for everyone else,
but also about the peace taught in our places of worship,
We talked about how weird humans are as a whole, no matter where they are from (ourselves included)
We used to talk and laugh about cute and funny animals and kids on Instagram, and the random other memes that only millennials seem to find funny and understand without context
We talked about his fears about being different in his society,
how mine mirror – to a certain extent,
the small oddities of differences where we live, but the strange glaring similarities that now seem universal
laughing kids,
strict parents,
high expectations from parents,
religious expectations – and the expectation to have and follow a certain religion
He’s scared he’s going to be forced to fight
Or that he’s going to have to leave Gaza, his home, entirely
He says he’s become numb to his surroundings
The bombs falling
The sounds of people screaming and children crying
He had to bury his best friend at the beginning of the war, and navigate his first birthday since
He still does his schooling and worries about his grades and final exams
He works on website and gaming programming to pass the time and because he truly loves it
He hopes for a future, a life after the massacres
When we’re talking about how heartbreaking it is to watch,
and how infuriating it is for me to not be able to do anything to help,
He tells me:
“Don’t stress yourself much over it luv
I know it’s not easy”
“Being here is easier than watching I believe…
But for those who are watching, they’ve chosen to watch, so basically they ain’t going to ignore it.
Those with the kindest hearts are the ones that suffer the most”
He goes on to say:
“You eventually are forced to get used to it and distract yourself with trying to get water and food”
Meaning: You’re forced to shut off your emotions, just to survive
He still believes Americans have it bad with all of our gun violence,
We briefly talk about my experience of being in a shooting, I echo the sentiment that after a while you have to find a way to shut off your emotions just to survive, or you won’t make it through to the end. Even after the violence ends
He half jokes that it’s just American culture, “a common trend,” to have constant gun violence in our schools
I don’t disagree, I even kinda laugh myself because sometimes if you don’t laugh, you just cry
I worry about him, that his last Facebook post, or his last check-in will be the last time we hear from him, and that we won’t know whether he’s been killed or taken hostage
He has the flu today,
something that is simple for many people in the developed world,
something with a vaccine to prevent and treatments to minimize and ease the symptoms
but something that still kills many people every year in the U.S. alone,
vaccines and treatment aren’t available in Gaza
the border guards haven’t allowed medical aid workers in for months
Even though he says he will feel better in a couple of days,
that it’s not that bad
I still worry
My friend Ahmed deserves to have a future
One with kindness and love
One with peace
One with deafening silence that signals the war, the genocide is done
My friend Ahmed deserves to be able to take a deep breath and know that even for a moment, he is truly safe
he is loved
He deserves to know that he will wake up tomorrow morning in one piece
He deserves to know, and feel and experience peace
My friend Ahmed deserves to see the future he dreams of
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
Made me cry