Me and Mark Driscoll

I am sick of hearing this guy’s name — Mark Driscoll. This decade’s bad boy preacher, Driscoll manages to remain in the limelight by behaving like an abusive spouse, constantly apologizing for his behavior while continuing to act in the exact same way. The arrogance this “man of God” displays, the secrecy he maintains both professionally and personally, combined with his holier-than-thou posture create an almost farcical caricature of a pastor. But there’s only one real reason for me to hate Mark Driscoll, and that’s because he is too much like me.

I’m sure Driscoll started out like many young ministers do, eager to preach the Word of God and save souls. At first, you’re in awe of this “call of God” that you have received and unsure as to how you are supposed to act now that you are a pastor. You try and try to present only a pious face to the world but your humanity keeps getting in the way and you just can’t keep up the façade, so you bravely step out and say “This is who God made me to be, even with my flaws” and you stop trying to hide the flaws the temper, the brashness, the pride. You say it’s the “power of God” working through you to “get things done” and you start leaving carnage in your wake. The apologies begin to flow and you are forgiven because, after all, you’re new.

When you’re at a comfortable place in your ministry and things are looking good, then comes the temptations and down you go. Down that rabbit trail from one small sin to another until they are no longer small sins but rather large ones which get harder and harder to hide. Life becomes a series of lies and the guilt that attends them, terrified, you begin to draw into yourself, desperate to draw closer to God and yet more and more torn between the desires of the flesh and the desires of your heart. At some point you are in so deep that you know if anyone found out, you’d be removed from your ministry and this thought is paralyzing. No one must know.

As you attempt to find the spiritual reason for your temptations, you actually begin to practice the soul-care of prayer and Bible study that you have neglected for so long. Oh sure, you have been studying the Bible, but only so you could expound on its mysteries to others. You pray in public for others to follow along, but now you pray earnestly, privately, with fear and trembling, knowing in your soul that God is the only One who knows what’s going on in your life and the only One who can save you from you.

Yes, I think I know Mark Driscoll a little too well, perhaps this is why I have been so wrapped up in his story in the news. I truly believe that there is even more to this story than we know now, some hidden secret of his that will yet come to light, and when it does, people will heap on the abuse that they decry when Driscoll spews it out.

Now I am only filled with compassion for a man, a pastor, who I cannot condemn, for whom I have no true hatred, no more than I have for the ugly side of me. Mark Driscoll, get some help. Step down out of leadership and find your way back to God’s side. If your calling is from God, your ministry will go on, but it will only bear fruit if you truly repent of your pride and selfishness. Look around your church, look at the protestors outside your doors, and ask yourself, “If I was a member of my church, would I want to be treated like this?” And, Mark, if you need a friend, call me. I’ve been there.