Living Life Now:
Learning How To Feel At Home
This post is about enjoying your present life: not perfecting it, and definitely not missing out on it while awaiting heaven or some other afterlife.
One of the saddest aspects of the repressed Christian mindset is the way it can rob believers of being in the world and experiencing its enjoyment in the present. After leaving fundamentalism, you may be still dealing with this joyless mindset. It may take a long time to feel at home in the world and to allow yourself to have fun. Knowing how to live with ordinary daily happiness is a real skill and many times requires practice. It takes maturity for us to appreciate the world as it is and to accept other people and ourselves as imperfect, ordinary people.
On the other hand, you may have lived under a repressive religious thumb for quite some time and now feel much like a Jack-out-of-the-Box, let’s-get-this-party-started kind of person. If so, be patient…
Our goal: To create a life that feels good on the inside,not one that just looks good on the outside.
As you know, fundamentalist Christianity, along with other religious systems, teaches separation from the “world.” The world is fallen and corrupt and pleasure in the present is worthless compared to the hereafter…blah, blah, blah.
We all know people who view the world as a miserable, dreadful and dangerous place — the devil’s playground. We may even have been one of those people. We also have met individuals who are so psychotic with apocalyptic visions of the end of the world that they keep hoping for signs of the impending catastrophe.
Most conservative and fundamentalist Christians rarely think about getting the most out of their present life or maximizing their human relationships. This is not to say Christians have no fun. There is a plethora of WWJD-approved activities, as long as isolation from the world is maintained, and you never forget that unchecked or spontaneous fun is extremely hazardous!
Home is not a place; it’s a feeling.
The crazy-making messages you received while living as a conservative fundamentalist probably make it hard and somewhat scary to figure out exactly where you fit in this world. Many ex-fundamentalists struggle with adjusting to the secular world. They share feelings of alienation and feel like misfits. They are unconnected, isolated.
A major step to you feeling comfortable in the world will be gaining some understanding and acceptance of your new world. You may have been taught negative judgments of the world and of people in general. You may have feelings of fear or awkwardness. Additionally, you may believe that you just do not fit in anywhere. Some of these are natural feelings and beliefs for someone influence by an abusive religion; others need to be addressed before they become serious issues for you. The point is, you are now free to begin resolving all of these feelings or beliefs. It’s up to you.
Let’s Start With Beauty
“One of the most important—and most neglected—elements in the beginnings of developing the interior life with Self (and the world) is the ability to respond to reality, to see the value and beauty in ordinary things, to come alive to the splendor that is all around us,” writes Trappist monk Thomas Merton.
We miss so much of the beauty that emanates from the people, places and things around us. We just don’t see it. Looking for and enjoying beauty is a way to nourish the soul. The universe, fortunately, has the habit of creating beauty. Take a moment and notice the flowers growing along a mountain trail. All over the world we have songs, snowflakes and smiles, acts of great courage, laughter between friends, the satisfaction of a job well done, the smell of fresh baked bread. Beauty is everywhere. To perceive the world in this fashion and to walk this path is to acknowledge the goodness of the world.
As the English novelist D.H. Lawrence puts it, “The human soul needs beauty even more than it needs bread.” In many cultures, this need for beauty is honored in rituals and arts. The Japanese reverence this virtue in the tea ceremony, flower arrangements, calligraphy and other activities. The Balinese have found a way to integrate beauty into everyday life where it belongs. Through their yoga exercises, writings, rich spiritual lives and hospitality, every aspect of their inner and outer world has a deep reverence for beauty.
Beauty in all it forms should be encouraged in our homes and celebrated. Drink deep of the shining and ephemeral moments in life that surround you. Drink deep of the beauty, which nourishes your soul. Then you will never have to utter the lamenting words of the third-century philosopher St. Augustine at the close of your life: “Too late have I loved you O Beauty, so ancient and so new, too late have I loved you!”
