In her d’var on the second day of Rosh Hashanah, Rabbi Tamar Malino discussed the decline of community. One reason she cited was the increased use of social media. When we’re behind a computer, we can’t see the need in the other person’s face.
She has a point. I often say, “Comment sections are where common sense and humanity go to die*.” Some of the things people say to one another online are absolutely horrible and cruel. The anonymous nature of some aspects of social media can lead to what psychologist John Suler deemed the “online disinhibition effect.” “While online, some people self-disclose or act out more frequently or intensely than they would in person.”
However, what may look like disconnect to one observer may actually be someone being an active part in their community. So much current art, commentary and satire focuses on the image of teens on their phone being isolated from the real world. People lament that they’re disconnected from the world around them. In truth, they may be far more connected to the larger community.
What do you think people are doing when they type on their phones? They’re connecting. It may not be in a way others are familiar with, but it is connecting with a larger community than we’ve ever known before. They’re holding long conversations with people of all ages and all over the world on twitter about their favorite book. They’re commenting on pictures their father posted of his garden. They’re sharing a funny YouTube video to make their heartbroken sister laugh after a bad breakup. They’re practicing the foreign language their learning with friends who are native speakers from that country. They’re sharing links about their latest school or work accomplishment with family too far away to see it in person. They’re meeting new people who will give them a brand new perspective from distant places.
People are connecting online in meaningful ways. They’re making friends. They’re not disconnecting. They’re connecting with friends in traditional and recognizable ways. They’re chatting. They’re joking. They’re sending birthday gifts and holiday cards.
They’re donating at higher rates than ever before. The Chronicle of Philanthropy reports that online donations to American nonprofits rose 14 percent in 2012. In comparison, “Giving USA” reported that overall increase in donations of only 1.5 percent in the same year.
My family and I have done various fundraisers for different causes. Every single time, the largest group of donors are online friends — those I know exclusively online and those I’ve reconnected with thanks to the internet—not family, not neighbors; but those I like to call my imaginary friends in my computer. Most times, the ratio of donations from online friends compared to people I know in real life is staggering.
In online interaction as with online donations, there is no age limit. In our cases, those who donated ranged from teenagers to elderly, although the vast majority are late teens through mid 30s. Not the older family with savings accounts and homes that are paid off, but younger people (many not yet done with school), without much spare cash, but with a great desire to reach out to help friends.
The Internet can help us connect in ways we never imagined. When our twins were first born and in the NICU, friends I knew only through an online message board collected money to buy me a breast pump. None of those women lived anywhere near us. They were all scattered throughout the country. The support and the friendship at such a difficult time was so amazing. During my first pregnancy, being on bed rest kept me from meeting anyone in our new are, so those friends I connected with online made up my support system.
Online friends are not a technological distraction. They’re true friends who offer support. When we knew my husband’s grandmother was dying, it was friends online who let me rant, cry, and reminisce. There are friends I “met” online 18 years ago that I still turn to today for advice and just to keep up to date on everyone’s lives. I have never met most of them in person. When Sammy, a friend’s son died, my son read Torah for the first time for Sammy’s yarzeit. My son and I shaved our heads for St. Baldricks a few months after Sammy’s death to raise money in his honor. We have never met Sammy or his mother in person.
Whenever we move, the internet helps me find friends in our area. When we lived in Oklahoma and my daughters were smaller, I found various parenting groups online and met some amazing friends there. We met in person each month, but we also kept up with each other through e-mail and our online message boards. Now that we’ve moved away, I watch their new work endeavors, sports accomplishments, and see their kids’ grow through Facebook. Nearly all of the friends I’ve made here in Spokane were found thanks to the Internet. Before we moved, we got in touch with people at the synagogue through e-mail. I e-mailed some of the adults and my daughters e-mailed with some kids here their age. Once we arrived, it was an easy transition because we had already formed friendships.
Aside from creating friendship and community , the Internet allows many to hold their family close, even though they may not be. When the military moves your niece to England, you can still keep up with her life and still watch her kids grow via Facebook. When you move across the country, you may not call your poor dear mother (who labored with you for THREE DAYS) nearly enough, but it helps (even if only a little) that she can see pictures of the grandkids and keep up on what’s happening in your life (just make sure you don’t go too long without posting updates or she will assume the worst). Do you remember that cousin you always liked, but she didn’t live near you and you lost touch when you were kids? You can find her on Facebook and reconnect. That nephew who’s always too busy to check in because she’s working two jobs and going to college? He can fit 140 characters in between classes. So even though you can’t have hour-long conversations, you can still joke with each other on Twitter.
Devices can serve as a distraction and they can also serve as a connection. Look closer at that person engrossed in their phone and you may find they’re texting their mother, they’re accepting a party invitation, they’re having a long conversation in 140 word increments. They may very well not be disconnected from the real world, but rather engrossed in a larger part of it. Their community may not be defined solely by those sitting next to them on the bus. Through the internet, their community may reach around the globe.
*Does not apply to the comment sections here at SpokaneFAVS.
