Editor's Note: Spokane Faith & Values has a new feature called “Ask An Atheist” where readers are invited to submit question to our atheist writers. Here's the fourth set of question that came in, and a response from one of our atheist writer.
Q. What forms or methods of personal growth and living into your values work for you? I believe we all seek inner peace, but sometimes the only language I know to express my growth is hard for atheists to understand because of differences of understanding those words.
A. This question touches implicitly on a really significant point: can we assume that all people have the same drives, perceptions and goals? Deeper than philosophy, we're diving into cognitive issues. For example, there is technical research to show some of the neural systems that kick in for people who are naturally drawn to meditation. Whether you are a Catholic nun, a Buddhist monk, or Sufi mystic, it would appear that all of them draw on some of the same brain circuitry (interestingly enough, its the systems that fire during sexual arousal, so being in “religious ecstasy” is more than a turn of phrase).
People lacking that ability to tap into that system in meditative processes, though, will just not get what is the big deal for people who can. So the questioner shouldn't be disappointed that terms may not be translatable for others who do not share comparable cognitive architecture, or terminological tropes. For instance, the common Christian notion of having “a personal relationship with Jesus” is inconceivable to me. It would be like my saying I have come to “a personal relationship” with Shakespeare or Beethoven because I have read plays and listened to symphonies. But I don't doubt for a moment that people who claim to such a relationship with the Jesus (whose only direct accounts are in the Gospels) feel that way profoundly, and this probably reflects a deep difference in our respective cognitive architectures (just as some people “don't get” all that Shakespeare and Beethoven stuff I find so moving).
More broadly, a guiding principle of my life is: try to enjoy yourself, but don't make a nuisance. (The extreme polarity here would be Hitler. It is arguable that he ever really did enjoy himself, but quite objectively shot off the scales when it came to the Nuisance department.) As for my own “forms and methods” I would fall into the category of Cole Porter, whose approach to life was “don't complain and don't explain.” I take things one day at a time. Fortunately I am very curious and have a good sense of humor, so find lots of ways to avoid the pitfalls of getting grumpy when things aren't to my liking.
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For me, growth and development is a multi-tiered set of processes.
First off, there is the rather straightforward process of learning new ideas and skills. This is a very powerful source of personal growth in my experience, as it gives me new ideas to think with and new ways of interacting with the world. There is nothing mysterious about this, but that’s why it’s so powerful. Whether it’s public speaking or evolutionary psychology, or how to tune up the gear shifter on my bike, the processes of learning increase my capabilities as a person in the world.
Another process is psychological and emotional (spiritual if you will) healing. I have a value that I decided on in my youth that has served me well: I don’t want the wounds that I have suffered in my life to drive my behavior. I want to heal my wounds, learn from them and move on. So I have taken care to learn skills that help me to do this (I had a rough childhood). This includes meditation, which I use to help me face my pain and sort through the confusion inherent in being a person on the earth, it also includes discussing my tribulations with people I trust, finding community, and a Buddhist meditation practice called “touch and go,” that I practice both in and out of meditation. Another practice that has served me here is the simple act of working to understand. When I understand why someone hurts me, I have a much easier time forgiving them.
The last source of growth that I want to relate here is relationship growth. Having the courage to be who I am in the context of a loving relationship is a powerful source of growth and affirmation for me. In part because I am aware that I am capable of being hurt, and in hurting others, so It is a venue in which I develop ethics and integrity as skills.
I’m sure there are more, but this is enough for now.
My impression is that I do most of the same things that people of faith do, but I do it without the relationship to divine authority, and without the bible-based mythology to contextualize my processes. Instead I use findings in psychology, evolutionary theory, and psychotherapy, and some Buddhist thought to structure my processes (I don’t believe a lot of Buddhism, but they have some GREAT psychological practices that don’t require belief). I have developed an evidence based “mythology” if you will. I think that a lot of people use the stories from the bible to structure and inform the development of their identities. This is how I see many people of faith practicing growth processes. I can see the attraction, there are some good stories in there. I use them too. I just don’t believe they are historically true. They can still be useful though. Such is the power of myth.