By Jeff Borders
Ah, Valentine’s Day! A day of love and romance. A day that comes every Feb. 14, but seems to creep up on unsuspecting husbands like a snipe closing in on its prey.
I mean, who doesn’t love candy hearts, flowers, and a basket load of overpriced and undersized chocolate bars? As a kid, it was always a great time to hand out Valentine’s Day cards, but even better was receiving the candy that was usually attached to said cards. I know that it’s better to give than receive, but when you’re 8, that philosophy goes right out the window. But nowadays, Valentine’s Day has lost some of its glossy sheen, and it seems more like a pressure-filled mad dash to the local grocery store to buy whatever flowers are left and a thinking of you card for your sweetheart. Why? Because let’s be honest, you forgot, and then when you finally made it to the store after work, it looked like a plague of locusts came through, leaving only the slim pickings for you to choose from. Doesn’t that just scream romance to you?
Let’s get real for a moment. If you are waiting until Valentine’s Day to do something special for your special someone, then you’re doing something wrong. If the only time you buy flowers, chocolates, or try to act romantic, is on Feb. 14, and because you feel obligated, then you’ve bypassed the caution sign and are dangerously close to plummeting off the cliff. Here’s the thing, we can’t ignore the romance in our relationships and only do things on a couple days of the year, namely our anniversaries and Valentine’s, and expect our marriages to flourish.
Romance and relationships have to be worked on continuously. Romance once or twice a year does little to strengthen the bond between husbands and wives. More than that, if you want to set an example for your children of what true romance is like, you have to be a living example of it. It’s time that we step up our game, surprise our significant others when they least expect it, show them our love more often, and work on building solid relationships.
I’m not a romance expert, just ask my wife. But I do try to keep our relationship working like a well-oiled machine. It has fits and hiccups like most relationships, but it keeps moving forward. And it takes work from both members of a relationship. Romance in a relationship is not a one-sided endeavor. So let me let you in on a few tips that have been shared with me over 15 years of marriage.
- Courting doesn’t stop when you get married. OK, so maybe courting is an old-fashioned Shakespearian word, but dating isn’t. Make regular weekly dates with your significant other a priority, even if it’s only to dinner. Even if it’s only a bowl of ice cream together after the kids are in bed and you’re sunk into the couch from sheer exhaustion. I know it can be hard with small children, trust me I do, but your marriage cannot be put on the back burner when you are raising a family.
- Find ways to laugh together. I’ve found that laughter is one of the best healers, and when you find ways to laugh together it creates a strong bond. Find inside jokes between the two of you, something only the two of you share. Cherish these moments.
- As I alluded to above, don’t wait until Valentine’s Day to get flowers and chocolates. I can’t stress this enough. Surprise your spouse at random times through the year when they least expect it.
- Show you care through your actions. Disengage from your phones/tv’s/tablets or whatever you are distracted by and engage with your spouse. Actively listen to them.
- Find times to have overnight trips together. Again, I know this is hard if you have a young family, but remember, the only way to keep a family strong, is to keep a marriage strong.
- Be the first to forgive. Alright, I know this is a hard one, especially for stubborn people (I’m not naming names or pointing fingers, but most stubborn people know that this is them). When we hold unnecessary grudges it harms our relationships. Don’t let what you count as justice for a perceived wrong committed, rob you of an opportunity to show grace and mercy.
I’m not saying don’t go out and get your spouse something on V-day. Do it, blow him or her out of the water with your creative romance. But let’s not forget, love and marriage isn’t a one and done, it takes a 365 day commitment, year after year, constantly growing together.
Let’s all take an opportunity on Feb. 14, to evaluate our relationships, and see if there are opportunities to step up our game a little bit.
