By Janet Marugg | FāVS News Columnist
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News.
The thing that lives in the dark of my attention is grief. I thought I’d be on friendlier terms with grievances by now, but they have a way of jumping me from behind. In the light of day, mine are the usual griefs — lost loves, sunken hearts and dried-up dreams. Mostly, I grieve the me that will cease to be, the life I won’t be living when mine is over.
My mind is a self-conscious mind, quite aware of the problems that it cannot solve. I’ve spent my whole life co-existing with things, but the loss of myself — this single most unsolvable problem — is always there like a waiting terror.
Terror management is the human condition. We possess the instinct for self-preservation, but also recognize that death is inevitable. And chronically early.
The science of terror management
Contributing to the classic philosophical field of existentialism, a team of social psychologists from Kansas posited a Terror Management Theory (TMT) based on the earlier work of cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker’s book, “The Denial of Death.” The premise is this: The terror of absolute annihilation creates a profound subconscious anxiety in people that they spend their lives attempting to control things.
The theory based on Becker’s work is this: Human terror management has unconsciously shaped the world in less-than-desirable ways. To manage the fear of our nonexistence, humans resort to escapism and invent cultural values and devaluations to stave off immortality.
We wager our lives on an afterlife, and symbolically, we superiorize ourselves over nature, where death is an acceptable result for the act of living. Some adopt national and cultural identities to be a part of something bigger than themselves. We obsess about genetic lineages as if we’re already ghosts driven to possess those yet to be born.
In Terror Management Theory, the constant declaration of faith in an afterlife is a sure sign that death is running things, that death is the most powerful thing there is. The thought that big D death has been running my life unconsciously does not sit well with me. I’d rather be run by, oh, I don’t know … Joy? Passion? Anything but fear. Anything but death.
Toeing the line of nonexistence is not for everyone, or everyone would be doing it. But maybe we should. Maybe we should discard the old salves of salvation because there is no spiritual growth in comfort. Maybe we should teach people to face fear and disable the fear of death before the fear of death ends up killing us.
Recent work in Terror Management Theory presents evidence that over-soothing our fear of nonexistence is deceiving ourselves and can lead to narcissism, greed and behaviors harmful to our continued human existence. The human tendency to cling reduces overall well-being and progress. Humans can devolve by soothing themselves to death.
Finding meaning in mortality
It’s hard, this task of living, only to discover that the fragile, fleeting nature of our existence is not a flaw, but the very thing that makes it precious. Death, in the existential sense, is the editor giving every sentence importance and urgency. Everything is crazy meaningful when I gaze at my own nonexistence. Accepting that all things are possible but one — eternal existence — makes my brevity truly exquisite. Too lovely for grief.
Coming from a long line of die-ers, we should be better at dying. When my time comes, I like to think some genetic memory will kick in and give me a shot of courage when I need it most. I have no choice but to trust myself to meet the moment.
The doomed are not doomed to gloominess. There is both real and metaphorical justice to death. It is a great equalizer. There are no survivors — and that hurts — but there’s no shame in being mortal, only opportunity.
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Thank you, Janet, for this profound reflection on our mortality. As you suggest, death helps sharpen the meaning of life, and, as the poets say, “Death is the mother of beauty.” I try to take comfort in seeing that I will join the earth as dust, the cosmos as stardust.
Consider yourself comforted, my friend — you were always stardust.