By Lucas Grayson | FaVS News Columnist
On Saturday more than 200 people gathered to mourn, honor and celebrate the 58 trans lives that have been lost in the U.S. this last year … a few not even old enough to drive yet. The youngest was just 14. There were more than 320 deaths worldwide, at least according to the countries that keep a report.
Fifty-eight names and faces that we know about, that weren’t erased in death because of unsupportive or ignorant families or because they were assumed to be the sex they were assigned at birth by the police.
Fifty-eight people who survived their coming out stories, but not counting those who had yet to come out, to come into who they were.
This year’s Trans Day of Remembrance (TDOR) seemed even more important than before because of this world we currently find ourselves in, and it was more heartbreaking to process.
The history and importance
Transgender Day of Remembrance began in 1999 by Gwendolyn Ann Smith, whose work chronicling anti-trans murders led to the creation of TDOR in 1999. She started the Remembering Our Dead project in 1998, after the murder of Rita Hester, a Black trans woman.
Spokane held its first TDOR in 2012, the same year I came out. Since 1999, TDOR has grown to 155 cities worldwide.
While trans people make up roughly 2% of the population, our statistics stay stacked against us. There’s speculation about whether this number is still correct or not. The average life expectancy of a trans person (especially trans women of color) is 35.
I’ve seen this statistic glaring in the back of my mind since I came out. So much so, that for a long time I didn’t know that happy, trans adults existed, or that it was even a possibility for me to be one of those happy people.
I know my story isn’t unique in this way because so many queer youth have never been able to be around adults that support them and who are like them. So, why should they believe that we get to have the same kind of happiness as everybody else?
I could drown you in statistics for a while, but I’d just be repeating the same ones over and over. As much as things have changed, things have also stayed the same. So I’ll leave you with four more:
- Trans individuals are 1.7 times more likely to experience all forms of intimate partner violence.
- 50% of transgender people have attempted suicide at least once.
- Just this year, 61% of all those lost to suicide were trans youth ages 15-24.
- 17 of the 27 violent deaths tracked in the past year were due to gun violence.
TDOR held at Spokane Public Library’s Central Branch
Spokane held its Trans Day of Remembrance in the downtown branch of Spokane’s library from 2-5 p.m. in nxʷyxʷyetkʷ Hall. They hosted an art gallery of local trans artists around the back and resource tables for about a dozen different organizations and groups.
A big theme was obviously grief, many touching on it. A memorial tree was set up for people to write the name of someone they’ve lost on an ornament; I chose my friend Justice who passed away from suicide a few years ago at the age of 22.
Mayor Lisa Brown delivered a Proclamation marking November 20, 2025, Transgender Day of Remembrance in the City of Spokane. City Council members Paul Dillon and Zack Zappone were also in attendance, along with incoming council member Sarah Dixit.
Many people shared their words, music and art about what it’s like to be trans in this society.
Dr. Pam Kohlmeier spoke about grief, love and hope, while she told us about her transgender, nonbinary child, Katie Thew, who was lost to suicide.
She said, “Grief will forever be a part of my life, but so will love.”
Fanny Devito spoke about the song he was about to perform and how his view of it has changed with time.
“I have been asked what I thought the emotion being portrayed was, and I said anger because that’s all I heard,” Devito said. “But I was only half right. Now, my voice has changed, and my views on the song have, too. I’m no longer a soprano, and I am no longer blind to grief.”
Affirmations came from military veteran and trans woman Maeve Griffith.
“Your life matters, and you are here for a reason,” Griffith said. “Every single day you live you make a difference in the world … I will never in public let them see me afraid, see me angry or see me hurt, because they feed on the destruction and the pain they think they are inflicting. … The hardest thing I have ever done is come out.”
Every speaker, every piece of music, every piece of art in the gallery hit differently, and each one important in its own unique way.
While I hope this event will help visibility and acceptance continue to grow, I also hope for a year where the number of trans lives lost is zero, including through misrepresentation or erasure. That we’re still living, we’re still thriving.
I know the reality that it probably won’t be for a very long time, maybe not even in my lifetime, but I still have to hope, because even one less death is progress. So maybe one year on Nov. 20, I can stay home and not have to count and honor the latest people in my community who won’t see next year.
But this year, we count those that won’t see the end of this regime, the end of this hatred of us just because we dare to exist. We continue to count those who will never have another birthday, see another holiday and see their families again. We honor their lives, we light candles and we speak their names.
I leave you with this, spoken by Beyonce St. James at Saturday’s event. She’s the first Black, Puerto Rican trans woman and lifelong Spokanite to win Miss Trans USA.
“Bein’ trans is about bein’ seen, heard, respected, and valued. It’s about livin’ your truth, unapologetically, and with pride. … To every trans person out there, I see you, I hear you, and you’re valid. You’re loved, and you’re enough. Your identity ain’t up for debate; it’s who you are, and that’s somethin’ to be proud of,” St. James said.
To see the In Memoriam for those we’ve lost this last year here visit https://www.transremembrance.org/in-memoriam.
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
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Well said. Well done.Keep being proud.