Why going the extra mile still defines true kindness

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Why going the extra mile still defines true kindness

Real kindness isn’t performative — it’s consistent, selfless action that puts others first without expecting reward. 

By Julie A. Ferraro | FāVS News Columnist

The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. 

Doing a simple online search, it’s possible to find many variations of artwork, signs, T-shirts and stickers that read, “Be Kind.” I’ve seen many hanging in people’s homes and offices, and it always serves as a reminder that kindness is what brings people together.

A bit more troubling to me, however, is a kind of “faux kindness” that does only the bare minimum for others, and what could more accurately be described as “veiled disrespect.”

The traits of the latter are unmistakable and, frankly, quite sad. As an example, I share a true tale of two priests.

These men lived and ministered at the same church. The one did his “duty” each day, presiding at morning Mass in the church. 

No more had the last strains of the final hymn faded, however, he ducked out the sacristy door and hurried to the privacy of his dwelling. If anyone asked to see him during the day, he was always “in a meeting” or “out, and we don’t know when he’ll be back.”

The other priest, around the same age, would say Mass, then gather with the congregation for coffee and conversation. 

When school children toured the grounds, he would go out to greet them — knowing many of these young visitors had never seen a priest before. When he and I had to run an errand together, he opened the passenger door of his car for me and the door of the shop.

I nearly dropped my teeth.

The second priest demonstrated how genuine kindness puts others first, respects others and cares about their well-being: physical, mental and spiritual.

‘Quiet quitting’ in religious life

We need more of that, especially in these worrisome times.

The term “quiet quitting” comes to mind. 

It’s become popular among those who don’t like their jobs, to feel resentful about not being paid enough or oppressed by their employers. They do the bare minimum, just enough to not be written up for infractions, but no more than their paycheck warrants.

I’ve seen and experienced this attitude at some Catholic institutions, unfortunately. 

While a smile may be plastered on a staff member’s face, they will do no more than specifically asked — usually with considerable delay — even if a little extra effort would eliminate the need to keep repeating the request for the same cooperation. 

They treat clerics or religious, as well as their supervisors, with deference, but their peers are snubbed and made to feel guilty for even approaching them. Or, worse, their co-workers are treated like children, talked down to as if they know nothing.

Imagine if such veiled disrespect had been the norm in the early days of the church, after Pentecost. The efforts of the Apostles and those disciples touched by the Holy Spirit would have been in vain, with the ideals that everything should be held in common just a dream. 

Jesus had used the Pharisees as an example of such behavior: praying in public for show, making the obligation to give alms more a parade or procession, while turning up their noses at those who bowed humbly in the temple, seeking God’s forgiveness. 

Their every action was performed on the premise they should be rewarded, and, as Jesus explained, their reward was the notice they received from others.

Those who are genuinely kind don’t worry about being rewarded. They go out of their way for others because it’s the right thing to do. 

In an office setting, for instance, having once been asked to share the monthly event calendar with the entire team, they will remember to do so on a regular basis, instead of needing to be repeatedly reminded because of some sense that others having access to this knowledge threatens their position in some way.

The excuse, “I’m too busy,” doesn’t justify such veiled disrespect, either. Adding a co-worker’s email to a distribution list takes less than a minute — far less than being frequently asked about when such a task will be done.

Rather than shunning the opportunity to go the extra mile, being present to another, attentively listening to their concerns or volunteering to assist when a tight deadline looms — all are indicators of genuine kindness. The world needs this!

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