How to turn grief into gratitude with new holiday traditions
Commentary by Lisa Ormond | FāVS News
The infamous “turkey day” wrapped traditionally in the four ‘f’s’ — food, family, festivities and football — has a slightly different spin for me. In fact, the traditional holiday season starting with the Thanksgiving Day approach is now more of a peaceful period of pause and prayer for me than consumerism and celebration.
You see, I lost my mom, Louise, Thanksgiving Day 2011 from multiple myeloma cancer, my older brother, Steve, New Year’s 2019 also from multiple myeloma cancer and my dad, Ron, Christmas season 2020 (from heart failure and degenerative Alzheimer’s). It is a trifecta of family loss circling the turkey, Christmas tree and New Year’s champagne bubbly.
With time and tears, I’ve created a new snow globe way of viewing the holidays by peering inside myself and what is around me to truly discover a stream of love, gratitude and joy for what was and is now.
Holiday season double-wrapped
The holiday season has always been my favorite time of year as my excitement for life soars surrounded by the explosion of holiday activities spanning six weeks that I enjoy such as music, twinkling lights, gatherings, giving and going.
Now, in tandem, it also launches my personal cycle of remembrance for those family members (and close friends, too) who have passed that can’t join in these festivities but were central to making my life’s past holidays bright and merry.
Their influence and presence continue to have a glow over my holiday days as I move through this special time of year with gratitude.
Creating meaningful ways of remembrance
Intentionality leads the way for my actions during the holidays to balance the memories and my present day-to-day happenings during the busyness.
- I go deep into my prayer life during the holidays giving praise for their soulful spirits and asking the Lord to offer them peace. More prayer and more honoring in different ways with candles, writing reflections, nature exploration, church going, resurrecting religious traditions they appreciated and cherished dearly.
- I share stories of their lives, wisdom and wondrous ways with current family members around the food table and even in between watching football, which is not my sport of choice.
- I go charitable giving to others with them in mind and thoughtfully replicate their patterns of compassion and sharing. My past family members loved helping others year-round and especially during the holidays, volunteering at food banks, cooking holiday meals, giving rides, donating time and spreading kindness to neighbors and others who had needs.
Embracing with hope
The memory well runs deep for me, most obviously during the holiday season, because it is the time of year we generally pause and think about others such as family, friends and our communities.
I recognize all of us are touched by past influences of the holiday seasons we’ve experienced that have shaped who we are today and will continue to do so in the years to come. Holidays play a significant role in our lives — for better or for worse.
Please look to honor yourself and your loved ones living and deceased this holiday time. May joy and peace weave its way into your celebrations and holiday activities this year along with wonder and rest in the days to come. Rejoice!
Wonder
A poem I wrote for family members who have passed
When you lose somebody, you wonder. There are lots of things to wonder about when someone you lived with and loved your whole life is no longer here and no longer around. Surreal, silence.
If that person who’s now gone was someone close to you and gave you moments of kindness and strength and true life, you wonder even more. You wonder why. You wonder when the grief and pain will settle. You wonder why you think of them almost every day in some way. You wonder if all can be okay again. You wonder why it’s changed you so.
‘Wonder’ is a star-globe-sky full of enormity and no boundaries. And you know when you wonder, it connects you deeply to those now gone and so far, away.
Yes, there is much to wonder about and yet, it’s not answers you seek, really. Instead, it is comforting to know that their souls are settled and at peace. Then, you don’t need to wonder any more.
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
