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Why rejecting the family script leads to a more meaningful life
From Jesus to St. Francis to everyday people, those who reject expectations and embrace their calling often inspire change, growth and a more meaningful life.
By Julie A. Ferraro | FāVS News Columnist
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News.
As little as 100 years ago — and for centuries prior to that — expectations for the sons of a household were to join the “family business,” whatever that might be. The daughters were expected to marry and start their own families.
Simple as that.
Fortunately, there have been rebels throughout human history who defied these expectations. They ignored society’s rules and ventured beyond accepted behaviors, transforming life as we know it.
One of these, of course, was Jesus.
Rebels with a cause
What might have happened if Joseph, a carpenter in Nazareth, hadn’t trusted in God’s message that the son entrusted to his care was meant to be more than his apprentice, shaping wood into furniture or farm implements?
Imagine if Francis Bernardone had complied with his father’s wishes and become a cloth merchant in Assisi. Beyond there being no St. Francis statues in our gardens, the message that care of the poor, of creation and love for all human beings — regardless of the many labels placed upon them defining their status — would not have been shared in such a bold way.
If Michelangelo Buonarroti had focused solely on sculpture, no Sistine Chapel frescoes.
Had Thomas Jefferson and George Washington contented themselves with farming their plantations — along with the others who openly stood against unfair taxation — no United States of America.
Immigrants of all nations continue to leave their home countries in search of a better life.
Women have steadily rejected the notion they can only be wives and mothers, confined to the kitchen. They have proven it is possible to balance the challenges of employment and home, while some men have opted to leave their paid positions and care for their families so their spouses can pursue a fulfilling career.
Living outside our narrowly-defined boxes
As thinking, feeling human beings, the idea that we should emulate horses wearing blinkers (or blinders, as they are also called) and stick to a single set of parameters throughout our lives is, frankly, ludicrous. The availability of diverse knowledge — whether found in the classroom or books lining shelves in a library, on the internet, or through practical experience — invites us to use our brains and consider every possibility to learn and grow.
On a personal level, because I was a good student through grade school and high school, my adoptive mother tried to push me to pursue a college degree in either architecture or engineering. She’d done the housewife gig and wanted more for me.
That “more,” meaning wealth and prestige, didn’t mesh with my priorities — thanks to St. Francis and his message of simplicity. I also had little interest in the “practical” nature of designing buildings or mechanical devices, leaning toward the creative. Beyond any logical considerations, I had to write.
She wasn’t happy with my decision, yet I didn’t back down. I knew I’d be absolutely miserable slogging through decades in the quest for acceptance by a society that tries to stuff individuals into a very limiting box.
How I continue to challenge myself
I concede: If I’d stuck exclusively to writing fiction, my life would have been entirely different. I took my love of telling stories into the field of journalism, earning sufficient wages to support myself and my sons as they grew.
I tried my hand at poetry, stageplays, even screenplays and music. As I transitioned from typing on a Smith Corona manual to computers, I learned how those oft-temperamental devices operate and expanded into designing websites and handling social media.
My goal, these many years, has been to learn something new every day, and I usually succeed in accomplishing that objective.
Thankfully, many, many others through the millennia have broken from the strictures inflicted on them by society, whether speaking for those with no voice, sharing their talents and innovations or exposing corruption and injustice.
They are examples for us all.
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Though we may laud those who forged another path from what their families determine, I hope you will explore, perhaps in another article, how these people dealt with the intense guilt that such families often impose upon them. I will never forget how my family has imposed their narratives upon who was supposed to become the scientist with a PhD, bringing lots of money and prestige to my father who actually was a union goon who ordered me into his union illegally at age 17 and who tried to compel me to break the Sabbath to take a union test. But I never fit in any scientific role. For that matter, I dropped out of school altogether to support my family, a process that drained me year after miserable year till my father finally told me before he died how ashamed he was of me because I was the one “dishonoring” him. The guilt of unforgiving, ambitious, and tyrannical families is permanent, inescapable, and too often cloaked in a hypocritical religiosity. I forged my own path because I could do no other, forcing myself to dismiss these guilting narratives. I ask, how did these people come to terms with such ethical distortions? Did their families come to understand? Did they ever find familial love? Or did they simply cultivate a life permanently apart from them?