By Julie A. Ferraro | FāVS News Columnist
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News.
Dear Discerner,
In my decades as a journalist, writing for many Catholic publications, and as a communications professional, working — and living — with an assortment of vowed women religious, I have learned something very important that may be helpful in your prayerful search for a community where you can share God’s love in service to others.
That lesson?
Vowed women religious — whether sisters in apostolic communities that minister with those on the margins and in greatest need, or cloistered nuns dedicated to praying for the world as we navigate times of crisis — are human.
In posting photos and stories on social media for the religious communities I work for, I’ve always tried to show just how human these women are. They enjoy baking pies; they sweep floors and wash windows; they set the tables for dinner, wash dishes and scrub pots encrusted with dried sauce afterward. They shovel snow, plant gardens and weed flowerbeds.
The lengthy list of practical duties these women handle is just as important as the ministries performed as they pray and help others.
In fact, it’s all ministry, in the truest sense of the word, because when they dust the furniture or wind the grandfather clock, decorate a bulletin board for the current liturgical season or arrange flowers in a vase for the sanctuary at Mass, they are ministering to each other.
They must also minister to each others’ moods — and they do have moods. There are days when a sister might not feel well, or be dealing with health issues that deplete her energy and require being driven to appointments with the doctor.
Some religious have developed mental health issues over the years and might not behave as would be expected of someone who lives according to vows professed after many years of formation. Some might be chatty, others unusually quiet.
If, as you are meeting these women — whether as part of an initial visit or a longer “live-in” experience — you find yourself confused by the variable personalities, remember this: a religious community is much the same, on a larger scale, than any family. Unique individuals come together to live, with the common purpose of serving God, but they are still singular.
Women religious are not clones, all pious and resembling statues with their hands folded, kneeling before the tabernacle. They each bring their talents, their sorrows, their joys — sometimes even prejudices or biases — and, in a community where the members come from countries around the globe, cultural differences.
The key to creating community when these dynamics come into play?
Tolerance, patience, open hearts and open minds.
When you begin your discernment with a particular community, don’t hold fast to any preconceived notions of what to expect when you walk in the door.
The first few days of any interaction may seem like a “honeymoon” — the peace of the place, the beauty of how the Psalms are sung during the Liturgy of the Hours, the tranquility of the grounds. But keep your eyes and ears open to the more ordinary encounters.
Listen to the conversations at meals and recreation. You’ll begin to see the humanity within these women, off-beat humor in some instances, a competitive spirit when playing cribbage perhaps.
Admittedly, you may find some communities do not deal appropriately with members who exhibit negative behaviors that disrupt the atmosphere. You need not hesitate to continue your search, feeling no guilt.
As you pursue the discernment process, the realization that these women with whom you may come to live are not perfect — and you aren’t perfect, either — will help anchor you on a firm foundation as you explore possibilities.
And, just as you experienced tensions in your own family while growing up, there will be a need to do some “growing up” as you adapt to your religious community. That goal — to always be willing to grow, both spiritually and in your attitude and approach to challenges — is a life-long adventure.
Blessings on your discernment!
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