Finding Christmas spirit while living in the shadows

By Lisa Ormond | FāVS News Columnist

As a recent 63-year-old divorcee finding myself living and being alone full-time, I have been trying to find my own mojo around Christmas. It’s tough. I was alone at Thanksgiving. And this is not the easiest time of year to make a major life transition, during the dark, in the cold and at peak holiday time after 36 years of marriage.

I have been living in the shadows for at least a decade with my former husband who has struggled and suffered deeply with multiple mental conditions and illnesses. A sudden and impulsive declaration of wanting his own apartment and independence cracked my world wide open about four months ago. But that story is for a different commentary, which I hope to share once I find the words and courage to tell it. I’m grieving hard right now and seeking healing and peace in silence.  

Where I am

In the meantime, Christmas is happening in full force around me. I’m “living up” the Christmas spirit in my midst to lift my mood and heart and to shift my mind into a “stable” space waiting for wounds to heal and a new hope to come forward. Waiting and watching. Much like what Christians do this time of year during Advent with the pending arrival of the Messiah on Dec. 25.

Yes, I’m a Christian, a Catholic, who goes deep during this holy time of year and takes to heart the vigil of faith, preparing myself spiritually for my Savior’s miraculous birth into the world. During this season, I fast a lot, pray a ton, read Bible stories of the season, reflect and confess my sins, bump up my rosaries, attend more Mass and Eucharistic Adoration in Jesus’s presence, engage in almsgiving, light candles and more. I pretty much OD on my Lord during December, and I love it. 

But to balance myself, this year, I am also taking time to be attentive to how the Christmas spirit moves around me and I’m allowing this spirit to offer comfort during a traumatic time of my life.   

Looking for joy in the glitz

Right now, I have chosen to focus on the beauty of the Christmas spirit that surrounds me everywhere to embrace the season with childlike eyes. I am grabbing what I call, “Jesus Joy,” for myself daily which is helping me find purpose, community, and a thankfulness during this pinnacle holiday and celebration.  

I have to admit, I’m kinda grateful for this over-commercialized time of year right now that culturally rocks our beings, schedules, and bank accounts in December. It sort of has become a blessing for this suffering, sad, and unsettled person I call me. 

Deep down, I am a minimalist and don’t embrace buying sprees and overindulgence. But since I was a child, Christmas has always been my favorite holiday of the year because of the giving. So, it’s hard not to notice the swirl around me even though I’m broken inside. 

New paths to encounter

I’m like a kid in a candy shop: I’m a Santa’s elf on the hunt for the best toy for little Suzy and Tommy. I recognize this may sound rather silly, but this is how I’m surviving in my mind and soul which is to allow the seasonal distractions to offer me simplicity, stability and something I can tangibly see and experience. Grounding. 

This daily approach is helping me walk in a snow globe of community where light is shining into my being, filling me up with holiday cheer. It’s serving as a timely and handy coping mechanism. 

Here’s what I’m discovering and doing. This is my short list of Christmas spirit go-tos (aka Jesus Joy).  

• Be childlike: For me, this is looking at Christmas lights and decorations around me and admiring their shine and creativity. They are beautiful. I allow myself to be lighthearted and find joy in what I see visually. I find heart rocks everywhere I go and love that! I make simple collections in my home to play with, and people who visit like looking at the display. Then, I give them away. I listen to non-stop Christmas music in my home. Also, the Salvation Army Kroc Center in Coeur d’Alene is a wondrous place to see bustling and joyful families and faces. They have lots of activities, a fireplace lobby and coffee bar with seating and a beautiful seasonal tree and manger to sit by for people watching.
• Absorb peace: My three favorites here are being in nature, in a church sanctuary or star gazing outdoors usually in my backyard. For me this looks like going to the park near my house and looking at the calm river flowing, hugging trees, watching silly squirrels’ scoot and play in the woods, listening to bird calls and saying my rosary sitting on a fallen tree or alongside the Spokane River sandy shore. Outdoor places I also like to visit in the  Coeur d’Alene area include English Point, Mineral Ridge and Tubbs Hill.
• Welcome nearby neighbor niceness: I am accepting kindness and offers of help from my neighbors who shovel snow, blow leaves and share light conversation. But I am also appreciating those “neighbors” who regularly walk their dogs in Kiwanis Park in Post Falls and don’t mind spreading joy to others who don’t have pets like me. Friendly dogs just want to give unconditional love, and it’s lovely.
• Engage in the wider community activities: This year, I’ve experienced so much spirit-lifting by being in crowds (so I don’t feel alone) like watching the free Coeur d’Alene Holiday Light Show and attending the free North Idaho College 2025 Christmas Concert. The sounds of music soothe the soul. I also found local Christmas markets and craft fairs bring a welcomed jingle worth exploring. Purchases are not required. 
• Give and lend a hand to others: I write and give cards, hugs, smiles and homemade treats like Almond Roca to others. I take time for calls and personal visits even though I haven’t felt much like socializing. Last week, I gave a Catholic family I know who couldn’t afford Christmas decorations most of mine to put in their home so the four children and single dad could experience the Christmas spirit in their home. I received Jesus Joy and hugs during pickup, especially from the children who ran around my home in glee and that cleared lots of dreary out of the house.
• Notice and note: During the day, I make mental notes of the Christmas spirit I experienced and received. In the evening, I write it down in gratitude pocket book, so I can imprint the joy in my heart and head as a memory and recall it if I’m down or alone. It gives me a bank of “feel goods” and helps me cope with the daily tough stuff. 

Gratitude for FāVS and You

I’ll wrap this Christmas column up by offering this personal reflection. Having FāVS as a supportive community and as a writing outlet, a place for me to process my life’s happenings and feelings these past years, has been one of the most precious gifts I have ever received, especially this year. It allows me to find meaning and purpose in the suffering and chaos. 

I want to thank FāVS readers who care about our journalism and stories. Please know by writing and publishing this column I, in exchange, am allowed the opportunity to receive healing. Thank you for caring, for offering donations and for helping spread Christmas cheer and spirit to others who may need it. People like me really appreciate your present. 

The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.

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