Pigeonholed: On the dangers of gossip
Guest Commentary by Andy Pope
Say there were two groups of people, each meeting similar social needs for a certain individual.
In the first group, it was found that the people accepted each other’s’ quirks and peccadilloes very readily. They were extremely tolerant of each other, and always smiling toward them.
But they had a habit of gossiping about these people behind their backs. Whenever the person was not around, they would talk with each other about that person’s quirks, and chuckle. After all, these were the character defects they were so successfully tolerating.
As the words they spoke about another person spread throughout the group, those words gradually came to define that person in the eyes of the group as a whole.
In the second group, people still seemed accepting of each other, but there was no discussion about the bad side of others. Whenever someone’s name was brought up, only good things were said about them. If someone felt they had to criticize someone, they would speak to that person directly and confidentially.
Now back to the first group. A person that the group had “defined” found that no matter how hard they tried to grow and change, no matter how they worked on themselves, the group still viewed them as the person they were before.
Sure, they tolerated them. Sure, they accepted them. But they had also pigeonholed them. For who was the person they were tolerating and accepting? Someone who had ceased to exist years ago.
So they met some people from the second group, where they heard not one word of gossip. And what happened? Their growth was encouraged, rather than stifled or overlooked. Their social needs were still being met, but without any sense of being stigmatized or defined according to negative traits they were clearly committed to overcome.
Now which group would YOU rather belong to? I would think it would be a no-brainer.
But believe it or not, not everyone thinks so.
Maybe some people need to think again.
The views expressed in this opinion column are those of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of FāVS News. FāVS News values diverse perspectives and thoughtful analysis on matters of faith and spirituality.
